Run to You

Lots of love & food going toward this guy!

I'm back running.  :)  It feels great to run again.  I've been running at a local park and went there again on Wednesday.  We just had a front come through and there was standing water in some areas plus it was chilly (38 and windy).  I was scheduled to do 3 sets of 8 min run/2 min walk.  Everything was going good and then I started the 2nd rep.  Tied to a pole in the middle of the park was a dog.  Skinny and afraid.  I went up to him and he was starving for attention, but timid.  I grabbed the tie out they used to tie him up with and brought him to my truck.  He was afraid of getting in at first, but after some encouragement, we managed.  He's around 55 pounds right now and has been abused.  Looking at his teeth, he's just under a year old (I figure the might be able to give me a better idea tomorrow).  He's decent on a leash and just a bundle of gentle energy.  This morning while I was playing with him I'd sit on the floor and he'd get real low and wouldn't get rough.  As I stood up taller, he'd get a little rougher.  Pretty sure he's an American Pitbull Terrier, but no way to know for sure if he's mixed or not.  We think someone wanted a fighting dog and he wasn't a good option.  He has a few fight marks on his ears and nose.  There is a mark on his head that we cannot figure out if someone tried to brand him or beat him so hard he has a scar either way, he's with me and he'll be staying. In my house the cat rules the wild kingdom.  Quetesh thinks she rules all food (as we've seen with her trying to steal the 10# bone from him).  He just looks at them both like they are nuts.

Who could beat this sweetheart!?!?

The only signs of any fight were when Quetesh nipped him.  He didn't bite, just barked and baked up, so not aggression, but submission.  Still we will keep on our toes with them since he's still young and getting comfortable and Quetesh is cranky in her old age (and I need to stay on her).  Bonus:  I have a running buddy.  It's good that I have him now, since you need to start them out slow as well, and I'm more likely to take it easy on a pup than I am myself.  :)  I survived telling my husband pretty well in tact and I think he wants to keep him.  He fits well in our dynamic, a couple of broken people with broken animals.  Love is the glue that puts us together and makes it all work.  When I told him I figured he'd ask why I didn't just leave the dog.  Instead he said, leaving the dog would have made you just as bad as the person who abandoned him. When he got home from work, the dog backed behind me then when straight up to him and sat giving my husband his head for a good loving.  This won his heart, pretty sure.  We do need to decide on a name for the guy (preferably before tomorrow so that I can give the vet an actual name for him).  I already have dreams of him with a doggie back pack carrying his water bowl and a hands-free leash on a run...

Those bones might be bigger than I am, but they are mine!

It's funny how what you need finds you just when you need it.  Despite my acceptance of infertility, I still have my bad days and all I want to do is cry.  Running and dogs are the best cure for me.  On top of helping a less fortunate baby, which allows that motherly instinct to come out, I feel better.  Ovulation is just around the corner and maybe we can complete our family with 2 sweet pups, a crazy cat, and the joy of a new baby. I can dream can't I?   Here's to my New Year hopes!

So this is Christmas.

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?  Another year over and a new one just begun."  John Lennon

Being raised in a Christian family I grew up celebrating Christmas.  Most of the celebration focused around 70 people in one house and more kids than an orphanage arguing over who's toy was the best.  Somewhere along the way we missed the point.  Tired parents drag us home and we reset to our misbehaving ways.  My birthday is January 2, so I would also get my birthday present (usually a combined gift) from many family members.  It didn't take me many years to figure out that I was getting the short end of this deal in the material world.  The whole point of Christmas is not to receive, but to give.  With all of the commercials you'd never know.  I always look at the families who go to the soup kitchen or who take their kids shopping for another family instead of themselves and think, "Man, I wish I was raised with those values."  Don't get me wrong, my family did a great job raising me, I just feel that this would have made me a better person, given me a more rounded life.  I never felt the draw towards Christmas that others felt, maybe it was my birthday being so close, maybe I was just frozen from the cold, maybe it just wasn't what my heart felt was right.

Now as an adult I understand the meaning behind Christmas.  It's not that my family did not teach me, it's not that I was led astray, their teachings led me here. No matter what religion you practice, it is about giving, it is about loving, it about looking forward.  I am a Druid and proud to admit it.  I discovered Druidry a few years ago and everything about it was what I had been looking for.  Today, Alban Arthran (Winter Solstice), is the day I celebrate.  Today is when I will open the cards given to me by my dear friends and family. I will be thankful for every one of them and what they have given me and I will do my best to return the blessings to others.  Today I will be thankful that the sun will set a little later and that today is always one day out of the past and one day closer to the future.  The future that holds a little one that I can teach about giving, loving, living.

To me this season is too busy.  There are too many people who rush, too many people period (if you go to a store), too many who still need help who are forgotten.  This leads to short tempers, hurtful words, damage to our souls.  So for the next week, slow down, look around, and take in the world around you.  Help those who need it, love those who need it, love yourself and remember that you are a small piece of this world.  You are not the center of it, but just a piece.  This does not make us unimportant, without your piece, we leave hole in our puzzle.  Remember that others have accepted that they do not believe everything you believe.  That beliefs are our own heart's feelings and if you do not feel the same way, it is not your place to place judgement on someone.

Tonight I will practice a special yoga ceremony.  I will take in the chill of the air, the love of nature.  I will think back on the year, the good and smile, the bad and weep.  Most of all I will look forward with acceptance, with gratitude, with respect for myself, others and the planet.

So Happy Holidays!  Merry Christmas, Happy Alban Arthran, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa ...  The list goes on.  So when someone says Happy Holidays, it is not that they are disrespecting the baby Jesus, they are respecting him by the acceptance of other beliefs.  Bring peace in your heart and peace shall find you.

Starting Over

The big day is here.  After 10 weeks, I'll be able to run again!!!  I will reintroduce my feet to the motion of the run on "The Beast" trail.  We will be helping our friends with Forge Racing out this weekend with a night time 10k Sat and 1/2 marathon on Sunday morning.  It might be raining, so I'll get to make my first run back, an excellent first run back!  I LOVE running in the rain, it is so relaxing and amazing!!!  So I will split away at some point for some opening up of the legs for a mile or less.  If all goes well I can do 3 by my birthday!!  HA!

I did let the legs open up a smidgen a few weeks ago at the Cajun Coyote 100 mi race at Chico State Park.  We were working the aid station, and would run to greet runners as they came out of the woods at all hours of the night and day.  Can I say that was the most AMAZING feeling!  It was nice to know they still work.  The race consisted of 20 mile loops, there was a 20 mi option, 100k, and 100 mi option.  The winner was a very pleasant man, Mosi Smith.  His nickname should be smiles!  Every time I saw him he had a smile plastered on his face.  I was grateful to be the person greeting them as they made their stop into AS2 (Aid Station Number 2).  Over the course of the day(s), I had the opportunity to get to know these wonderful people.  They ranged from first timers, to one man (Scott) completing his 25th for the year (I wonder how his 26th went this past weekend?).  There was undoubtedly a winner in the insanity category-AD Marshall-he ran from Baton Rouge (100 mi) then ran the 100 mi race.  If I ever lose enough of my mind to do something like that (I said that about marathon's before and I've ran one of those, so it's all relative-ha!) I hope that I look as good as he did on that last lap.  He looked strong and was pushing through.  His times were great and his spirits high.  There are not enough words to say how lucky I am to have been there for everyone.  I love to run, but I also love to be there for the runners when they need me the most.  Even if it is just a bowl of chicken broth.

Chicot State Park is beautiful, I cannot wait to explore that trail myself some day. I love cypress, they are beautiful trees! As far as the babymaking front goes, this month is a no go.  I started Vitex, and it extended my luteal phase out.  I started my normal (when not on Progesterone) spotting at 4dpo and it tapered off.  I started flow on 12 dpo, but it lightened up and my temp hasn't crashed yet, so I'm thinking that I'll really start today.  I did take a HPT today, but of course it was BFN.  Had to make sure.  I was surprised that the Vitex affected me the first month, maybe the Vitex was all we needed?  Maybe next month (this month) is our month?

Restless

So sorry about the onslaught of posts.  I had published my previous 2 posts, but the crazy system didn't agree.  

Thanksgiving was nice.  My dad came to visit, it was the first time we had family in town for a holiday so it was a little hectic trying to get everything just right.  Dad has Celiac's so GF was the theme.  I managed to make egg noodles that tasted good (I have an extremely high standard for egg noodles) and stuffing that was excellent.  I used my grandma's classic egg noodle recipe using a rice flour mixture in place of the old wheat flour.  The turkey was good (not a big fan of the smoked flavor, but everyone else likes it so I'll deal with it).  I had the work pager, which thankfully was quiet and just spent time with my family. We did not do much, dad was only here Thursday through Saturday and he left early, so more relaxation time for him.  He did go and purchase some boudin which is apparently ok to take on the plane as a carry-on (frozen, if you ever need to know).

Roll forward to Monday and the sinus infection of epic proportions starts up.  Since I moved to Louisiana my sinus infections skip the whole clogged up head thing and go straight to my damn ears!   I cannot get anything done when I have vertigo and that is what happens when your inner ear is under pressure. I have ear drops and they work wonders (usually), but the congestion just would not relieve this time.  My usual diet under a sinus infection is to avoid my beloved cheese (dairy) and to eat grapefruit, onion soup and drink tea.  This paired with the drops, essential oil burner and even medication was not cutting it.  I cannot just go to the doctor and get antibiotics since I'm allergic to most of them, and the few I am not allergic to I'd rather not push my luck with them, I might need them one day.  So I suffer.  I attempted to come to work yesterday, hoping that getting out would help.  By 10, my head was spinning and I had to get out of dodge before I couldn't drive.  So home I went.  By the time the husband got home I was laid out on the couch in some serious pain, right ear throbbing (drops not helping it), and a fever.  I managed to the shower and felt better in the humidity (decided we need a humidifier for the bedroom-odd for Louisiana, but it's a mandatory with the heater running apparently), then my husband remembered we had some ear candles left.  Why not?  I'm absolutely miserable and it cannot make things any worse.  Ear candling has been used for centuries to cleanse the spirit and the body of many different ailments.  I was a bit afraid to use them on my ears, especially the right one with all of the pain in it, but really what could it hurt at this point?

We position the first one in the right ear and he lights it.  Near instant relief!  The amount of crap I could feel coming out of my ear was amazing and the explanation of why it hurt so damn bad!  I probably could have done 2 more candles on that ear at the least, but I only had two and I still have another ear.  I couldn't believe how quickly my head cleared.  It was insane!  I decided to read up a little on ear candling for sinus infections and it has been used for just that purpose.  I'll be stopping by the store tonight and purchasing some more tonight so that I can finish clearing the ears of the funk.  I know some people are skeptical of them, but they are a mandatory item in my house.  When you cannot function because of a measly sinus infection and something helps you, then use it.  I was so desperate by the time my husband got home I mixed a shot of ACV (apple cider vinegar) and water.  It wasn't as terrible as I expected, who knows what fully helped out, but something did the deed and I'm a new woman this day.  

Here today, gone...

Since my last post, AF showed up Thursday of that week and on Friday I went to the ortho.  So we know how I felt Thursday...  Terrible is not a good descriptor; devastated, maybe; I need a more direct term (or a picture).  Anyway, on with life.  Friday I went to the ortho and I no longer have a boot!  That was the most excitement for me in a while.  I was a bit nervous to walk around.  Afraid that it might not be ok, and that I'll just aggravate it more.  My 3rd metatarsal (the Freiberg's toe) is the one that is bothering me the most.  It has been so inactive I guess it's due to pester me.  The doctor told me I could start slowly back into running in 4 weeks (3 weeks from today).  That conversation went something like this:

Me:  So you mean I can do like 30 seconds run, 1 min walk for no more than 1 mile?

Doc:  No, you can run 1 full mile in 4 weeks.

Me:  REALLY!?

Doc:  Yes, then you can slowly add 1/2 mile each week.

Me:  Should I go to physical therapy?

Doc:  You are in too good of shape and you pay attention.  Physical Therapy would not be the best option for you.  I can send you there, but I feel you'll do fine on your own.

That was it.  I walked out of there planning my return, looking for triathlons and preparing for December 14, D-day!  The day I can get back out on the trails!!! Happy Solstice to me!  As far as the home front goes, we're just going to go about our little fun for a few more months and if something hasn't happened by April we'll consult with another doctor.  I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, that we'll be expecting before then.   I found this the other day, I thought it was hilarious.

From TryingtoConceive.com.  

Wine after whiskey.

Here we are, waiting for AF to show so I can get this show on the road!  So frustrating, my chart was BEAUTIFUL this month!  Triphasic, dip around implantation time...  Alas, once again no, 2 lines will never be on one of those stupid tests.  I even bought another brand because surely the ones that I'm using are faulty.  I don't know what we'll do.  There are a few more doctors we can go to in the area, who is right for us, do we want to subject ourselves to more doctors, or just go for the money shot and do IVF, or just plain old say screw it?

Piece of My Heart

I've been avoiding Facebook like the black plague.  It seems every time I log in a new announcement is made.  I love that my friends are expecting, it's awesome!  I love that they have the joy of expecting/welcoming a child, but I can't be jump up and down joyful, really it kills me. It twists the knife in my heart a little more.  I smile and say congrats, then go to my corner and that is all she wrote.  I used to go out and buy a little something for the expecting parents, I now avoid the baby section of any store at all costs.  Therapists say this is normal, I don't feel normal!  This is not me, I am not a person that avoids things!

Hey, Hey What Can I Do?

So what do you do when you do when you are in peak condition and then land flat on your face?  You get back up and deal with it.  I've watched too many people in my circles run from problems and learned at a young age that facing issues head on is better than looking back and trying to figure them out  (or fix the bigger problems that accumulated)later on.

You can't always get what you want.

Race recap from Saturday, final race of the Forge Trail Series.

Forge always puts on great races, heck I'm always happy to not be on the road running but I'll take what I can get. I came in expecting to finish strong knowing that I had a smidgen of a chance at an age group award. This race was a 10k through the Port Hudson civil war site. It was amazing last year, and didn't fail to upset this year.

For a little while

Things haven't changed too much on the home front.  Just another month.

Hurt

Sorry this is a sad post...

Life continues on.We are made too aware of that in the matters of those taken from us too soon, well before their time.  My life has been inundated with this at times, where it seems death is all that is around.

Maybe.

Where to begin...

AF showed up on Tuesday.  Not a big deal besides she's here once again, the big deal is this starts the timeline for intervention.  Like a good student I called the RE and scheduled my appt for Thursday to do an u/s.  I broke down at home because in all of my life I never imagined IUI being a route for us, who envisions not being able to get pregnant when you spend your entire life trying not to get pregnant?

Movin' on Up.

Ok, now that the bloodwork is over and the results are coming in and a definitive test is over, time to write about it.   Here goes…

All I Ask...

Warning, this is a personal and detailed post so if you don't care to hear about the inner workings of the female body, stop reading now.

Everything you want.

Borrowed from:  http://glutendoctors.blogspot.com/2010/06/gluten-sensitivity-infertility.html

Yesterday was our first RE appointment.  A consultation.  My doctor decided it would be an excellent idea to mail my paperwork, so it wasn't there.

Back at One.

Once again, I start another cycle.  It's like Groundhog Day but worse.  You live through the motions of every month, but you can't have fun with it.  Once again, someone else is expecting.  No matter how happy you might be for them, you don't want to watch that belly grow, you don't want to see what you've been trying to achieve for over a year.  The worst thing is that I will be waiting more and more… Admitting that you need help is hard and we've hit the point that we need it.  An appointment will be scheduled with an RE and we'll go from there.

One step closer.

As with running, you are always one step closer to your goal.  Positive thinking can do a lot, but there are so many days that you just can't deal with the outside world.  Those days are meant for a run and a little BB King.  Yesterday was one of those days.  When you are young, you think you're invincible, then you grow up and sometimes that happens faster then you want.  You do everything possible to be the best person you can be, you do everything possible to be good to yourself, then you get news, news that literally throws you back on your behind.  Then the questions start...

Turn the Page.

Been awhile.

Who starts a blog then goes on vacation... Ok, I do.

Challenges are everywhere.

Red Bug Hill Challenge

Challenges are everywhere some have more than others.

This little guy had just given a speech, he was a wonderful speaker!

Before the race.

This weekend, my husband a few friends and I ran the Red Bug Hill Challenge.