Where's my flux capacitor?

Back to the time of the month where hope is restored.  Every month when that egg is released, it's new hope, a new future.  Every single month...  At least I don't have a problem ovulating.  Like clockwork for the past 4 months on CD 14, before that, anywhere from 14 to 21, but at least I ovulated.  I have some wonderful friends on the trying to conceive (TTC) boards, some of whom never know if they will ovulate or when they'll ovulate.  Other's have miscarriage after miscarriage.  I am fortunate to have not went through either of these trials.  At the same time I feel as though the makers of pregnancy tests are just being aholes to me and some other TTC couples, that maybe our urine has some weird chemical in it that just won't turn a test to 2 lines.  Maybe we missed out in the 6th grade when they gave you a trigger pill or shot to turn the damn things positive.  Yeah the irrationality that strikes me sometimes is questionable to my sanity.  Pair that with my mood swings and you have a real basket case at times.  Thinking about it, a lot of things question my sanity.  I suppose that's how many of us are though, I mean, who defines normal?

Losing my mind...

Monday we had our appointment with the Naprotechnology doc.  Things went well.  All and all he's skipping the year of observation and allowing us to go straight to the surgeon in Houston.  Great news! Looking at my charts, HSG results and just talking to me, he is pretty sure I've got endo, cysts and/or fibroids.  Endo runs in my family and having a previous diagnosis (never investigated further) my chances are high.  So a few trips to Houston are in order soon.  I cannot wait to move on.  It will be a nice 

I swear if I see another positive pregnancy test or birth announcement I'll  flip out and steal the adorable little babe (not really, but the thoughts have crossed the mind for people who should not be reproducing).  I actually posted on FB that if someone really needs to talk to me they need to PM me.  I'm not getting back on there until I can get or am pregnant.  I have a few groups I go to, but I cannot stand to see another baby related post right now, 12 on Valentines Day is enough to blow anyone's mind.  20 months of this crap and no quick fix in sight-yes I am done right now.  Please put the fork in me.

Off onto better topics…  My first 10k on the road was today.  It was only a minute slower than the same race last year.  Considering my training has not been what it was, that is great.  I finished in 1:07:07.  I'm ready for Pensacola.  This race was the confidence I needed.  I ran negative splits the whole race.  Figured that was a sane goal.  The water stop around mile 3 threw me off and I lost a little time because of that.  The wind was equally brutal on the levee, but I expected that so it wasn't too bad for me.  I really wish I would have worn a warmer shirt and some gloves though.  I factored in that the sun would help raise the temps, no the wind won…  44 is a hard temp to run in.  No wind it's pleasant, but factor that wind coming off the river and it's a bit chilly.  Overall I was excited to finish with a great time and no pain.  My husband waited for me since he was stopped waiting for a train.  It was awesome finishing with his slow wife.  My food has been getting swelling with my foot, but I think it's just swollen all the time now.  I can't wear most of my heels, my sausage foot won't fit in them.  If I do wear them, it is for short periods and I always have a back up pair of shoes "just in case."  It is great to be back and ready for a half!!!  3 years ago, I ran this race as my first 1/2 marathon.  It is the one race I hope to always run.  I mean it's a planned vacation every year, who doesn't want that?  

Photo from last year's race.  I won an award.

Back at It!

I suppose I should update on my 10k.  Not my fastest, but that's not what I was out there for.  The sense of accomplishment I had at the end of that race was awesome.  There was no pain, not an inkling during or after the race.  I ran with some friends the whole way and while I could have pushed myself a little bit harder, I didn't.  The goal for the day was to finish without pain, to finish the race in the city that sent my world crumbling down on October 14.  The weather was perfect, camping was excellent and my mood cleared.  It was what I remember about running, the energy, the release, the love, the controlled footsteps and occasionally the little jump over a log.  Trail running...  There is not a greater release in my opinion.  I finished in 1:31.  Terrible time, but like I said I wasn't there for time that day.  I could have pushed harder, I could have finished in 1:20 or less, but why risk re-injuring myself?  I know I wouldn't be able to handle injury again, nor could the dogs.