tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76837203848698652332024-03-14T03:03:46.884-05:00Running it through.A little insight into my life, my opinions, and my runs. I have been running since June 1, 2009. We are currently dealing with infertility. Also, I make my own body products and am venturing into making my own home products. I'm just a little on the "crunchy" side.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-3814507299330911032014-05-27T21:08:00.002-05:002014-05-27T21:08:28.133-05:00Right Here Waiting...<br />
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After yet another failed month (year), I (we) need a break. I am worn out and my thyroid is acting wacko for some reason - I have a new doctor working on that part of my system. I had 8 cysts this month and after having 2 eggs on the left that did not release (probably because of the stupid thyroid), I need a break. I need to find me, I need to know what the hell is wrong and get me back together. This really shouldn't be this hard for anyone... Once we feel everything is in order, something else goes out of order.</div>
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<a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elisabethk553966.html" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 153) !important; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 26px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote">The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.</a><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><i style="color: rgb(0, 51, 153) !important; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elisabethk553966.html" style="color: rgb(0, 51, 153) !important; text-decoration: none;" title="view quote">Elisabeth Kubler-Ross</a></i></div>
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Where does it end? Where does it begin? We will succeed, we will win this battle. Until then I will keep marching through the Swamp of Sorrows. Our Luck Dragon will show up and carry us away some day soon. I know this is short, but I don't know what more to say at the moment. I should have autoimmunity tests out the wazoo coming in soon and hopefully that will give me some form of answers in that department. I'll also be doing the Wilson's Temperature Syndrome test while we are not trying. I'll be surprised if I don't fail it. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's a picture of my sweet boy, Ryker. He's sad because daddy left him and went for a run. </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-9853518211650713032014-04-02T20:26:00.004-05:002014-04-02T20:27:31.305-05:00Purgatory<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Sorry for the long hiatus. It has been a whirlwind. Since December more has been discovered about my body. I bled nearly the entire month of December, which is why the Dr. in Houston took over my file. A CD 3 u/s in January showed a 3.5 cm cyst on the right ovary. At this time I asked if the HCG supplementation during the luteal phase could be the cause and she said she had not seen it before. February I had 2 eggs, neither released so March, we did a full monitored cycle and a trigger shot. I had and released 2 eggs. March was the first month I did the HCG injections since November. Guess what, after releasing 2 BEAUTIFUL eggs on the left, I have at least 4 cysts (bilateral-meaning both ovaries) 2.5 cm-4.0 cm large. With that news, I sent a research showing that HCG can cause OHSS, which can cause cysts to form even after perfectly normally trigger of eggs. This comes to why I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY DOCTOR!!! I received a call from her and she thanked me, clarified that I will NEVER be on HCG again and that thanks to the data she had a couple of other patients that will benefit. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">As far as this month goes, I have no clue. Thanks to all of the cysts I have not started my period yet. My husband gave me a progesterone injection last night to hopefully jump-start my cycle. After I start, I have no idea. I am sure that I will be going to a Lupron trigger followed by Estrogen and Progesterone support in the luteal phase. However, I will not know until I start and I have another u/s to make sure the mass of cysts are gone. I'm pretty ok with everything though. I mean after 3 years, you get use to it, I guess. My whole thing is that I am always one step closer. Everything is one step closer, it is all for a goal, a beautiful goal. We will succeed.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">I am still running, and I finally placed 1st this weekend in my age group on a trail run. It was awesome!!! After heavy rains, the trail was pretty much an impromptu creek and I had cramps from hell at mile 2, but I trudged on and won! Here's a photo of me taking a swim.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> And my award!!!</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-2023735009604496542013-12-23T19:36:00.000-06:002013-12-23T19:36:32.406-06:00If I could be like that.Another holiday season, another year, more failure. Love and I are getting pretty frustrated with the whole TTC thing. With our jobs, it is getting harder and harder to pin down a time that we are together, then there is always the fact that we have tried and tried again and failed and failed again. Yes, due to Women's Hospital and Dr. Butcher I was basically forced into being a for 13 months of our trying . Last month he was working nights and of course, I work days. Thankfully I have oodles of vacation. After a 22 day luteal phase (12 of which was spotting-yes, this was a medicated cycle), who knows when I'll O this month. I am scheduled to be out of town next Monday-Wednesday, then again Sunday and Monday the following week. I get frustrated when my doctor says "you should be using all of your fertile days for relations." Well whoopty do! Why the hell didn't I think of trying that. I calmly say something along the lines of we try, but due to conflicting work schedules and my body being retarded, it doesn't always work out for us. <br />
I have one doctor here, but he is not comfortable with my chart so keeps referring back to the Dr. in Houston. The Dr. in Houston wants to take back over the file and I have no problem with that. I prefer the way she handles things. I am just ready to cry, cry, cry. Long and hard. I need my husband to be home long enough to let me break down, I need to see the tears flow, I need to let go. I am very close to throwing in the towel. I won't because I am too stubborn to do such a thing, but nearing 3 years of TTC is killing me, it's killing us. We are a strong couple and I know we will make it through, but this breaks both of our hearts and I am tired of being broken. Love always use to tease me for bringing home the broken dogs. Sorry, honey, we're broken as well. It's what gives us personality, it's what defines us. We choose how it defines us. We trudge on through the muck and we survive, we are survivors. <br />
Speaking on trudging on, we worked the aid station for the Cajun Coyote 100 mi race. I always love meeting new people and watching them accomplish such a feat. Like the rest of the country, Louisiana was not cooperating weather wise the weekend of Dec 6. We packed up the dog, the rented U-Haul trailer and a friend thinking that the temp on Saturday was suppose to get to mid 50's. It was raining Friday as we headed over and stopped when we arrived. Saturday morning we got to the aid station around 7 and started looking for the sun-the sun that never showed it's face. Cloudy all day, wet from the rains the day before and never went above 35 with humidity at 90%. It was COLD!!! We had a rocking fire and a little space heater, but there is not enough to keep warm in that kind of cold. Ryker spent most of the next 30 hours in the tent, truck or next to a heat source as possible. At one point he decided that he would run with the runners... This park is huge and that concerned me slightly. He ran off about 3 miles and said hi to them while keeping them company, working his way back through the crowd. Love my boy, but mamma did not approve. Sunday around 0100 freezing mist started. We thought we were just delirious from the amount of time we'd been awake, but no, there was white flakes lazily making their way to the ground. I took my allotted nap from 3-6 and woke up to the pouring rain. All runners who were not finished were starting their last lap at this point. There is no way to prepare for this kind of weather! Heavy rains flooded some of the trails fast and the runners were needing to trudge through knee high puddles/streams to finish, all while the temperature hovered at 36. To all of my friends who completed this race, that is how you show determination!!! That is how you get through life! The last runner came through our aid station around 10:30 Sunday morning.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myself and my Dear friend Miriam! She is a doll! (Yes I carry around a water bottle at all times).</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everyone watch Ryker. My friend Dwayne (Miriam's Husband, who rocked 80 miles), myself, Love and my new friend Ramone (he rocked that 100 miles)! </td></tr>
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It really is a focus on the beauty of people. Even at their worsts they are still smiling. I love my trail running crew, we are the best. We can stick together and stand up for one another. We are all a little quirky, but that is what makes us unique and awesome!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-83407703388640379252013-12-01T11:00:00.001-06:002013-12-01T11:00:15.143-06:00 Time, time, time I am not smart enough to keep my mouth shut. I keep getting more and more piled on at work and I keep volunteering for more things in my spare time. Y'all aren't here to listen to me complain about work though. <br />
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Baby making is going. I've been doing the injections like a champ and all seems to be ok, except my estrogen that was low is now high. I guess that's ok, but I haven't had a lot of time to look up data and see. Basically my levels were nearly the same on my 7 dpo draw;18 (E) and 19 (P). This month has been a little wonky otherwise as well. My HCG injections tested out then the line showed back up only to vanish and never return. Here I sit 17 dpo with no more than light bleeding, no sig temp drop and stark white tests. Of course this is a holiday week and of course I'm working. No blood test possilities until Tuesday. Sigh...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-31827064250094528092013-10-09T10:10:00.000-05:002013-10-09T10:10:39.954-05:00A-Day!<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Sorry, I've been MIA. Every time I would try to enter this blog, my phone would crap out on me (yes I have been to Apple regarding it on SEVERAL occasions but they are about as helpful as the broken phone), or tell me the post I started did not exist. So here is the round-up from surgery (I won't bore you with the wonderful photos my doctor gave me). </span><br />
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<li><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Endo-Stage 1, all removed. There is question if they pycongenol had decreased it, but no way to answer that. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Accessory Fallopian tube. What's that? When I was developing in utero I grew this extra tube to nowhere. It can increase the chances for infection (explains the infection when I was 21) as well as ectopic and endometriosis. Apparently this occurs in 6% of the population. Extra body part removed (sadly, it was not an extra ovary with extra eggs).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Right tube partially blocked (same tube as the infection when I was younger and the extra tube). So this is where I get frustrated. Dr. Ahole said that I did not have blockages, Dr. Ahole allowed us to continue trying with the partially blocked tube. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Staph Infection in my uterus! This was the one that was rough. It explains the cramps from who knows where and the changes in the cycles after the HSG. We cannot say for sure that the HSG is where the staph came from, but there are MANY indicators that yes, Woman's Hospital was the culprit. Thankfully I am healthy and my body kept it under control. 21 days of Bactrim later, no infection! BG had to deal with this as well so I was not alone in my torture. So, July & August were out of the TTC bag. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #3d85c6;">I did my bloodwork in July (starting CD10 every other day to ovulation then every other day through the LP starting 3 dpo). My veins had given up by the end. Everything looked good except my thyroid levels (which are understandable with the surgery) and my E2 & P in the LP. I was prescribed HSG in the LP on 3, 5, 7, & 9 DPO. This is my first month on the HSG. I'm pretty wiped out, which I presume is a side effect of the medication. It's pretty easy to poke myself though. </span></li>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">We are pretty excited that everything we have been through is what we will need to pass this hurdle. I"ll be better and I am getting a new phone so hopefully it will work!!! </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-88149696542043095832013-06-10T10:05:00.002-05:002013-06-10T10:05:29.659-05:00Random Chattering from a Slacker .After some delay, mostly just me being too busy to do much of anything outside of eat and sleep, I have my Dr's report from May 6th… Yes I know it's June. <br />
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Finally! Finally, we get to move forward. We get to advance, we will have answers! We are so excited to move forward! <br />
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<img alt="Funny Encouragement Ecard: If I can fight Endometriosis, then I can certainly kick your ass..." src="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMi04YWMxYTkxMTQzODQ0MjUz.png" /><br />
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<a name='more'></a>Yup, the doctor is certain that when we do the laproscopy and hysteroscopy on July 5th endometriosis is my problem. With the cramps increasing the past few months, heart flutters, pain during bowel movements (aforementioned during menses) and pain during intercourse that is getting worse (beginning and end of the month but my window is getting smaller) she thinks it might be extensive. Until she goes in she does not know. Our consult was great and we are so excited for this leap forward. When the doctor goes in on the 5th she will remove if it is mild to moderate, but if it is extensive then we have to schedule a second surgery. We are crossing our fingers it is just one surgery that is required. <br />
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I have had my blood draws and my E2 and LH were excellent. If you remember back in the days of the RE he did my tests and my E2 was high 119. I had mentioned that I thought I had a cyst that ruptured, but he never looked… With the new CD 3 results I'm positive that it was a fluke. This second time my E2 came back at 61. This month I will go on CD 10 and start every other day blood work until I O +2. The I start CD 3, 5, 7, and 9 BW. It will help me pass my time till I have my surgery July 5th. <br />
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This month I passed my time on vacation. We went home to MO. It was relaxing for my husband but unfortunately I can't seem to relax there. His sister avoided us like the plague. Really, we drove 10 hours here and you can't take 5 minutes out of your time to see your brother? Her first excuse was that she just wasn't sure what her plans were on Memorial Day Sunday. She did finally show up that day, and was very pleasant, only bitching about the situation she is in (had an affair, pregnant by said affair, baby's daddy pestering her, husband taking her back (bless him)). Sorry, I know I have no patience for cheating, it says a lot about a person and how selfish they are among other things. To top it off, she made her bed, this is her problem and she needs to deal with it. No bitching about the pregnancy until the very end and then it was a raise of the shirt, a rub of the belly and looking directly at me while stating how tired she was because she was 6 months pregnant. On our way home she was suppose to go by her moms to drop off her cousin Friday night, but threw a tantrum when MIL did not cook dinner, and we had taken her out to eat instead. She then waited Saturday until we left town to show up at her moms. I just want to deck her. Thankfully it was only a few hours spent with her and not days. Maybe one day she'll grow up, but at this moment I can't deal with her maturity level, particularly not when I'm infertile and she's fertile.<br />
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Most of the trip was spent in Kansas City with my family and our friends. Our friends the Olson's are the best. Misty is an infertile friend's dream. She knows how she is suppose to act and is always helpful and forgiving of the rants. Poor woman has 6 friends going through infertility 2 of them her best friends. It has to be rough. Her youngest, Conner has provided Dh and I with a new name: BobbyJamie. We are the same in his eyes, LOL! We loved seeing the kids and even got to see Logan's first ride on a steer. It was short, but he knows what he did wrong and how to fix it. My poor Grandma, I think was on the verge of kicking us out (not really), but we kept finding things wrong. Her house had some issues and her help was not that great… For instance, use has an ac/heat maintenance contract. They come twice a year and do general maintenance on the units. The guy showed up and did his thing. 2 hours later I went downstairs and checked on something and water was spewing out of the whole house humidifier. I was livid, this jerk just came by and "checked" this, yet there is water spewing out all over. It was just a clogged hose, but in my opinion that should be covered under the contract. I need to get a copy of this plan… It was nice to see the families, but I can tell you the dogs and myself are all excited to be back in a routine. I'm not excited however to go back to work since it's been 3 weeks almost. Ugh the paperwork sitting on my desk…<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, mom, I didn't play in the mud.</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-55038146123360101242013-04-17T06:27:00.003-05:002013-04-17T06:27:46.136-05:00One Good, One Bad<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's the race reports that I had ready before Boston happened:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The first run was the 10 mi run at Clear Springs Recreation Area in Mississippi.</span></div>
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Lets just say this run was less than stellar. I felt great, had plenty of energy could have had a great time, BUT when I'd get to my comfortable pace my stomach would say enough and I'd have to "pull over." I was adding more nutrients to the soil then I'm sure it needed. Not fun! What makes me so dang mad is I felt great, at least if you feel bad and you are sick you understand why. I think it was the ham we had the night before and that it was a sugar cured ham. Cane sugar and I are not friends! A little bit goes a long way with me. It was absolutely gorgeous out there. Hill after hill, actual rocks, and soft pine to run on. Couldn't have asked for a more beautiful run! The weather held, it was hot and humid though (72 and 90% humidity). I felt so good after the 10 mi we even took our bikes out after. I did not fall off the bike so I met my goal, LOL!!! My time was terrible for this race due to my "issues" and the pine cones suffered dearly (how come when you need something, there is nothing but the worst possible thing, not even a few pine needles around?), but it was what I needed. I needed to get out to get away from Baton Rouge, to remember what the woods were like. To remember what hills are and to just enjoy life no matter how bad my stomach was behaving. This run was suppose to be a training run for the Pensacola 1/2 marathon and it scared me. If this is what I'll run like there, oh, man... I'm in for a long day.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dad and I in front of Flounders. </span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On to Pensacola! The Pensacola 1/2 is the first 1/2 marathon I ever did. It was amazing, I went in wanting to go under 2:30, but finished in 2:52 that first year. The second year I went with my amazing husband and friend and I was sidelined due to a head-on collision just weeks before. Last year was a 2:42, not my best, but I had been training in wonderful weather (50 degrees 40% humidity). Mother Nature was not cooperating on race day last year! It was 75 at race start with 80% humidity. I was hurting so dang bad, particularly when the wind was not blowing on us. This year 55 at race start, 50% humidity. Perfect!!! It was amazing! I went out wanting to run for fun, who cares what the pace is, I'm back, this is my first road 1/2 since the stress fracture no need to push it. Apparently that is the attitude I needed. I danced with the aid station people, stopped and let the little kids hose me off and just lolly-gagged around. Mile 6.2 my Nike App came over with the split and I was in shock, no really repeat that... You mean I'm on PR pace? That was the last I thought about time. I just enjoyed myself and cheered those I was passing on. Mile 11-12 was rough it was getting a little warm, the wind was blocked by the houses, and my stomach also started arguing. I slowed down to let the stomach settle and pulled out for the last 2/3 mi of the race. Finish time: 2:28:13!!!! PR BABY!!! My previous official PR was 2:38:29, unofficial PR was 2:31:21. I was so dang happy!!!! I looked around for my husband and my dad, nowhere to be seen. Apparently they had went to Fort Pickens and had not made it back yet. They had misjudged that last 10k and thought I would be slower (ha!). Still it was nice having dad there! After a quick stretch I had my Pensacola Ice Bath (jumped in the Bay which was freezing!) and we enjoyed the rest of our day. I can't believe I PR'd! My training has been less than stellar and my long runs have not been that great. Apparently slacking sometimes pays off, not that I can say I'm a slacker, between all of my runs and my job and everything else, I don't have the time to slack!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As for TTC, we took last month off. I have the whole "my child will not have a holiday birthday" rule. Also, we were suppose to stay abstinent for the entire month for the Creighton Method learning period. I'm suppose to understand my mucus cycle before we taint it with the male component. Now that my new cycle is starting we are set to go, LOL! I will say it was nice not worrying about so much last month. I still temped, and used the OvaCue along with the Creighton Method, but there was no pressure to get my husband in bed. I knew I wasn't pregnant so no worrying about any of the spotting, just him and I being ourselves. It was nice to remember what it was like to feel carefree. I need to do it more often, that is for sure. I'm going to try, right now I just need to make it through my stupid cramps. I got terrible cramps as a teen, but then they slowly stopped until last month when they came back with a vengeance!!! For now I'm going to curl up in a ball and lay here. Saturday morning I am running a 5k come hell or high water! It is for a coworker who lost her young son to a heart defect last summer. He was playing football one minute and dead the next. Such a terrible thing. I can handle a few cramps, it pales in comparison to the pain she feels. </span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-14734467137252381472013-04-16T07:18:00.000-05:002013-04-16T07:18:07.670-05:00Something to Believe in.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't know where to start right now. I had a whole blog already written with my last 2 race reports, but I just can't publish them now. I'm furious, horrified, numb, yeah, numb. A finish line will never be the same. WTH is wrong with people? </span></div>
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I had promised myself (and my husband) that I wouldn't do my usual stalking of the Boston Marathon. One of my best friends was not running this year. After many hours of deliberation last year she decided not to defer. I have never been so happy that someone was not running yesterday, she would have been crossing the finish line when the explosives detonated, and since it was DH's birthday I had said we'd be there, we could have been there! I had promised that I would check on my other friends after my chiropractic appointment (23 of my friends ran yesterday). My appointment was at 14:00 CDT. I walked in the door and my doctor heard me. He ran out and asked if everyone I knew was ok. My face went white. I tried to gather info on my phone, but the reception in this office is not the best. I raced home and turned on the tv. I grabbed my computer and started checking on friends. The local running group fared well, check. On to my online buddies. These are the people who helped me through my first 1/2 marathon 4 years ago, they have been with me through so many races, so many injuries, life. It took around 3 hours to establish the safety of everyone. One of these runners was in between the blasts. I just cannot fathom the what those who were there witnessed. It is not only a physical pain for many, but a mental pain. This pain will be felt throughout the running community. I know I am not the only runner questioning that next finish line, questioning the sport that makes me sane. I will not quit running, HELL NO! I will not be deterred by this! I will go home tonight, lace up my shoes and run. I will run to remember, I will run to sort out what happened, I will run to survive. So many runners will do the same. We will run to kill the pain, we will run to clear our heads, we will run to remember.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How many times have we stood at a finish line? How many times have we waited or had our family waiting for us at the finish? How many times have I watched a proud parent grab their kids up right before the finish line to celebrate their accomplishment, to show their love of running with their family. To run a marathon is not just an individual accomplishment, but an accomplishment for a family. It is the result of many late nights, early mornings, "special diets", blisters, bruises, ice baths, Epsom salt baths and pure dedication. Everyone in the family has to sacrifice something, even if it's just a few hours of sleep on race mornings. 16 weeks of pain, 16 weeks of love, 16 weeks of strength. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To those who thought that this was a way to destroy our resolve, HA! To those who think hatred is the answer (on both sides) I pity your ignorance. To those who are suffering, I lend my shoulder. To the world, Peace!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-center;">We swear, by peace and love to stand,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-center;">Heart to heart, and hand in hand.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-center;">Mark, O Spirit and hear us now,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-center;">Confirming this our sacred vow.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Druid's Sacred Vow</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-90914430787327452132013-03-22T09:05:00.000-05:002013-03-22T09:05:22.087-05:00Fast Life<div style="text-align: justify;">
I owe a race report. Sorry, I'm slacking and I'll get to it at the end of this!!! My AF this month was a mess. Cramps like never before, I actually took drugs for them (4 Tylenol). I hate drugs! I'm still cramping off and on, and still spotting 8 days after the start and stop. TMI warning!!! <br />
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I was 2 days late, and the initial day was very odd, thick and dark. Stopped for a day, yeah I do that sometimes... Then started up again. Maybe I'm doing this wrong, maybe I'm not... I've looked, but all I can find is what a woman should bleed on average for her entire period. I use the Diva cup so I get numbers instead of "I soaked through ___ tampons." How I measure is 1/8 oz or less is light, 1/4-1/8 oz is moderate and anything over 1/4 oz is heavy. Sounds pretty good to me. I write these numbers on my happy little chart so I can discuss with the doc later and if they don't like my quantitative methods I can change them easily enough. So my chart looks something like this: L, VL, L, M, VL, VL, VL, VL (L=light, VL=Very Light (spotting), M=moderate). Yeah my body is retarded!!! I just want to be over with AF. My temps were 2 days late dropping even!!! They temps finally went below CL 9 days into this cycle. This has just been an odd month for me. I'm really happy for the break this month. No Winter Holidays baby is the one rule I live by in my home. I have broken every other baby birthday rule otherwise, and have even reevaluated this one so that it doesn't encompass Thanksgiving too. Just so long as it is not Christmas or New Years, I'll be ecstatic to have a due date. I'll be working out of town this month around the time of O so I have that part taken care of, that limits the possibility of a Dec 21 due date. May 6th I go to the NaproTechnology Surgeon in Houston. <br />
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So on to running. This race is always a tough one, tons of sand, last year we had to swim and lots of technicality is always promised. Thankfully no swimming this year. The slue we swam through last year was only around mid calf deep this year. There were plenty of slick, clay covered slopes, vegetation and like I mentioned before sand. More sand than I like. This added a whole new difficulty level to this run. I still ended up taking 11 min off my time from last year so I'm very pleased with that. I handle the slopes pretty well and when I was going down the slope to the water I keep my center of gravity low and slide down. Well, one of my shoe treads ended up stuck on a root as I was going down. This created a rubber band like effect and flung me forward on my knees into the water. Thankfully a friend was taking photos and got the moment of impact. After I finished I looked down and my knee was bleeding (oops). My legs were pretty well thrashed from all of the blackberry brambles and bore the battle scars of a trail runner. I'm interested to see how many I'll bear after my 10 miles tomorrow. I am hoping the storms stay away long enough that I don't have a heart attack. You know, the little things in life, LOL! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-60919034263978857082013-03-07T15:27:00.004-06:002013-03-07T15:27:49.534-06:00Say What?!<br />
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<span style="color: #76a5af; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So what if I'm a bitter bitch. I know I shouldn't care if people think I am because my SIL is pregnant. Call me old fashioned but I think you should make sure that you are happy in a relationship (2 months DOES NOT determine level of happiness-particularly with her track record). It is not fair to the child you have to keep bringing new men into the home, it is not fair for the one you are about to have. If/when this relationship fails, then she is bitter at the dad. She is irritated that they are not there, cycle repeats! STOP, PAY ATTENTION, LOOK BACK!!!! What are you doing wrong!?!?!? Earn some respect for yourself, teach some respect to your daughter. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah I'm bitter, at times I'm a bitch. Who cares at this point, I don't. Why should I if no one else seems to care about their affect on those around them? For me it hurts that she's pregnant, but that is NOT what cuts me. What cuts me is that she is not in a stable relationship, she has a daughter already who needs to learn stability and how to be a strong woman. There were times in my life that yes, I wanted to be pregnant, but I knew I was not in the right relationship and that I personally was not in the right place. I knew it would not be fair for my child to have to deal with constant change. Constant upheaval. I chose to wait till everything felt right. Until love met me with this amazing man! This frustration comes about because my neighbor told me I need to quit being bitter about the SIL. I have every right to be bitter about it. She has no right bringing a child into an unstable environment when I can't bring one into a stable one! Ok, maybe that's extreme, but it's what it seems like. Pairing him with saying that as AF is preparing to rear her ugly ass head (I haven't had my crying fit yet (always 24 hours before she comes), but my mood is particularly snarky right now (usually 36-48 hours out), plus the spotting I had 9 DPO and again today (11 DPO) and my OvaCue vaginal readings dropping the past 2 days. My temp is not terrible, but it seems to lag behind anyway, kind of like it missed a memo or something. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The good thing is that we will be starting Napro soon. New procedures, new hope. At least answers, that's all I need answers. Being told that things are working fine without further inspection is not an answer I'm willing to accept. It's like taking your car in for an oil change and they replace the transmission (did they change the oil?). I mentioned on a board that to be an RE you should be required to have went through (or be going through) IF. Who understands you better than a woman (or man) who is/has dealt with this! Many of these women are brilliant and at times we know more than the "medical professional" in charge of getting us pregnant. Part of the aggravation of this of process is that we have to fight tooth and nail so often to get things done. We have to weed out the good doctors to find the ONE good one. Some of us are not that fortunate. We have to go through so much heartache while fighting for our best interest. This should be easier on us. I wish there was a committee that sent letters to those worthy of taking a few classes and working with a QUALIFIED surgeon (or taking those classes as well) to be an RE. Some of the women on these boards I'd jump on a plane in a heartbeat to see over some of the doctors I've heard about. We spend our spare time reading medical journals and despite our best efforts, we still are not pregnant.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-639102541577231122013-03-05T13:33:00.003-06:002013-03-05T13:33:57.608-06:00I Saw Red<br />
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<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've had some time to cool down. Last weekend I was going to one of my group sites on FB and lingered a few too many seconds on my home page... I see a picture of 2 banana splits and a comment about how it's nice to eat what you want when you're pregnant. FROM MY SIL!!! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So what's so wrong with my SIL being pregnant? For starters when she was 18 she was trying to get pregnant. Managed it and decided she didn't like the daddy so aborted that baby. Less than 3 months later was pregnant with another guy's baby and promptly got married. That lasted a whole 9 months (I think). She's an amazing mother to her little girl, so I have no problems there... She just got remarried in June. Decided that it wasn't going to work, and filed for divorce before Thanksgiving. She announced on FB on Valentines Day </span><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(so that makes 13 on V-Day)</span><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> that she was expecting from some new boyfriend. She didn't text or have her mom call or anything just blurted it out on </span>FB<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. So if you are doing the math, we've been </span>TTC<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> longer than her <b>2 </b>marriages <b>COMBINED </b>have lasted!!! This is one of those situations that you just want to smack them upside their head until they straighten up. -Told you I had cooled off. We are looking at a trip to Kansas City for a visit in late May and I dread seeing her. It will take every ounce of energy to not smack the shit out of her and to attempt to just be pleasant, maybe I'll just run the whole time she's around since that is a great stress release</span><span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> for me. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Top this all off with the dreaded Mother's Day holiday. My mom was not the greatest, she had her moments, but most of the time she was too busy trying to get a buzz on a pill. I cringe at the Hallmark commercials every year. My mom was not one of those cheerful women, most of the time she couldn't give a rat's ass. I am very thankful for the strong women in my life who showed me that you didn't need to give birth to me to be a mom, but it still doesn't make that holiday any better for me. Last year my husband bought me a card and a vacuum (yes I was excited about getting a Dyson-especially since mine had just died the week before). We were hopeful that we'd get that BFP that month. Tried our hardest, but alas...That was when we decided we needed to see an RE. I think I ran harder that month than any previous month. It was also one of the few times I've cried when AF reared her ugly face. If we don't get a BFP this month I'll be looking at another Mother's Day in purgatory. I just want the chance to do things as right as possible for my kids, to be the mother that mine wasn't, to be as close to the damn Hallmark Commercials as a normal human being can be. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I started spotting today, so I'm guessing I'm out this month. I'll test on Friday, if I make it that far without her showing up full flow. I was so hopeful this month. Our timing was great no matter what day might have been Ovulation (I know I O'd between 15 & 17), and I've just felt awesome about this month. It's like everything has come together, and in my heart I felt it until I wiped this morning... It might be implantation, but I have a TERRIBLE experience with spotting so I doubt it. My temps have been more stable this month, and my OvaCue readings have stayed high, which is a great sign that my progesterone is holding steady this time around. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>Here's to being hopeful, here's to a Mother's Day I can be proud of, here's to crying with happiness this week, here's to that BFP so I stay on civil terms with my SIL. Here's to NOT seeing red (in any form)!</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Any tips on not serving adoption papers to my SIL?</i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-3381182527584785582013-02-21T12:37:00.003-06:002013-02-21T12:37:41.850-06:00Where's my flux capacitor?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Back to the time of the month where hope is restored. Every month when that egg is released, it's new hope, a new future. Every single month... At least I don't have a problem ovulating. Like clockwork for the past 4 months on CD 14, before that, anywhere from 14 to 21, but at least I ovulated. I have some wonderful friends on the trying to conceive (TTC) boards, some of whom never know if they will ovulate or when they'll ovulate. Other's have miscarriage after miscarriage. I am fortunate to have not went through either of these trials. At the same time I feel as though the makers of pregnancy tests are just being aholes to me and some other TTC couples, that maybe our urine has some weird chemical in it that just won't turn a test to 2 lines. Maybe we missed out in the 6th grade when they gave you a trigger pill or shot to turn the damn things positive. Yeah the irrationality that strikes me sometimes is questionable to my sanity. Pair that with my mood swings and you have a real basket case at times. Thinking about it, a lot of things question my sanity. I suppose that's how many of us are though, I mean, who defines normal?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I start the Creighton Method on Monday morning. I'm ready to get this show on the road because it will provide me with a movement forward. Needing 2 months of these specific charts before I can make it to the surgeon is what I'm worried about. I'd really love to have the planets and stars align this month and not need to go to the doctor. It would be amazing to proceed with life without surgery. For an infertile our lives are like "Groundhog Day." Difference being we are on cycles dictated by our bodies. For some of us that is a 28 day cycle, others anywhere from 12 days to 180 days and anywhere in between. It is a blessing that I am able to predict so easily. The friends with such long cycles I feel terrible for them. Sometimes they don't even ovulate on those cycles, they just stay in limbo forever and then have a period. It is rather frustrating. I can plan out of town work around fertile times. Sad thing is it still wears you out. Every tells you to relax, I really do understand what they are saying (more than they do). Many of them don't realize that progesterone is depleted by stress, I do. It's hard not to stress when you are spotting for no apparent reason, trying to arrange the allotted time with your husband who is working the EXACT opposite schedule as you (see the problem is if you don't hit the fertile days you're up a creek). It would be nice to just jump in bed and oops I'm pregnant. For some of us though, life does not want things to be easy. They want us to remember that we have to work for what we want. Sometimes more than others. I use to worry about all my spotting now I don't stress about anything the second part of the month anymore, it's not worth it. I'm going to be stuck in the repeat cycle until we get pregnant. I can't fix the damn spotting without a doctor and the first one I saw was not the best at giving a damn and fixing the underlying problems. I'm so hopeful for these new doctors, they are great, they want to fix what they can. That is what matters. Like my husband said, "Fixing problems will fix you. Fixing you will be the absolute best way to assure you are the healthiest going in to this pregnancy and giving you the best chance at a homebirth." He's right and quick fixes sometimes are not the answer. Yes my clock is ticking, but not as much as some women, my ovarian reserve numbers are great still. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Looking back sometimes I question myself: "Would I have started trying sooner?" Probably not. I don't think it would have made a difference. We weren't ready at that point and if it would have happened, would I have really known what I wanted? As devastating as this is, we know what we want. We have respect for what it takes to get there. We will always remember what it took to get that beautiful baby. In many ways it has brought us closer then we were. I mean, what husband isn't closer to his wife who talks about her cervical mucus and being probed by a doctor? The poor guy... </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On to my furbabies: </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ryker passed his Obedience training with a perfect score. He sat beautifully in stay, did not get antsy at all and decided that playing was not as awesome as his mama! He also won an award for the fastest paper plate recalls. This is where you put a paper plate a distance from you (20 feet for the races). You walk the dog to the plate and place the treat. You then walk back and prepare to release. Once released the dog should run to the plate and pick up the treat, you start calling for them to come back as soon as they hit the plate and the fastest dog wins the relay. Going into this for me was just for fun since the week before, Ryker wouldn't go 3 feet from me to pick up the treat and all of the other dogs were excelling. Max the doberman was hard competition for him for the first round. Max is a beautiful big boy. His walk is Ryker's jog and Ryker made it through that one by his floppy ears. The First Place round he ran against Molly, a terrier mix who is awesome at this. She runs straight to the plate, picks up her treat and then runs straight back, all in a full sprint. My beautiful boy sprinted to the plate, picked up the treat and sprinted right back. I'm not even sure he chewed the treat. He blew Molly out of the water. I love my pup, he's awesome and smart as a whip!!! </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ryker with his certification and his plaque. (one day I'll learn to keep my foot out of the way)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Quetesh has been having some arthritis issues with her back leg that was injured in December. She's improving on it, but if it is not increasingly better by tonight I will have to schedule an appointment for her. Poor baby girl. On top of that the full moon is next week and Priya will be a loon. I made the mistake the other night of giving them all a piece of liver. Well, Quetesh decided that she couldn't eat hers out of the bowl like the others and went to the living room. Ryker and Priya promptly devoured theirs and Quetesh was still working on hers. Next thing I heard was Quetesh and Priya upset and Ryker whining about something. I don't think I've ever seen Quetesh so mad. She was ready to fight Priya to the death by her appearance. Don't mess with her food (she must get that from her mama)! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>What is the hardest part of infertility for you? </b>For me it has to be the feeling of failure. I had a professor once that completely broke me down providing no positive reinforcement, crushing my confidence. This is a lot more personal and devastating in my opinion. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-67577685217950488782013-02-16T17:55:00.000-06:002013-02-16T17:55:26.131-06:00Losing my mind...<div style="text-align: justify;">
Monday we had our appointment with the Naprotechnology doc. Things went well. All and all he's skipping the year of observation and allowing us to go straight to the surgeon in Houston. Great news! Looking at my charts, HSG results and just talking to me, he is pretty sure I've got endo, cysts and/or fibroids. Endo runs in my family and having a previous diagnosis (never investigated further) my chances are high. So a few trips to Houston are in order soon. I cannot wait to move on. It will be a nice </div>
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I swear if I see another positive pregnancy test or birth announcement I'll flip out and steal the adorable little babe (not really, but the thoughts have crossed the mind for people who should not be reproducing). I actually posted on FB that if someone really needs to talk to me they need to PM me. I'm not getting back on there until I can get or am pregnant. I have a few groups I go to, but I cannot stand to see another baby related post right now, 12 on Valentines Day is enough to blow anyone's mind. 20 months of this crap and no quick fix in sight-yes I am done right now. Please put the fork in me. </div>
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Off onto better topics… My first 10k on the road was today. It was only a minute slower than the same race last year. Considering my training has not been what it was, that is great. I finished in 1:07:07. I'm ready for Pensacola. This race was the confidence I needed. I ran negative splits the whole race. Figured that was a sane goal. The water stop around mile 3 threw me off and I lost a little time because of that. The wind was equally brutal on the levee, but I expected that so it wasn't too bad for me. I really wish I would have worn a warmer shirt and some gloves though. I factored in that the sun would help raise the temps, no the wind won… 44 is a hard temp to run in. No wind it's pleasant, but factor that wind coming off the river and it's a bit chilly. Overall I was excited to finish with a great time and no pain. My husband waited for me since he was stopped waiting for a train. It was awesome finishing with his slow wife. My food has been getting swelling with my foot, but I think it's just swollen all the time now. I can't wear most of my heels, my sausage foot won't fit in them. If I do wear them, it is for short periods and I always have a back up pair of shoes "just in case." It is great to be back and ready for a half!!! 3 years ago, I ran this race as my first 1/2 marathon. It is the one race I hope to always run. I mean it's a planned vacation every year, who doesn't want that? </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo from last year's race. I won an award.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-18662573344784708962013-02-01T10:47:00.002-06:002013-02-01T10:47:09.728-06:00Back at It!<br />
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<span style="color: #76a5af; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I suppose I should update on my 10k. Not my fastest, but that's not what I was out there for. The sense of accomplishment I had at the end of that race was awesome. There was no pain, not an inkling during or after the race. I ran with some friends the whole way and while I could have pushed myself a little bit harder, I didn't. The goal for the day was to finish without pain, to finish the race in the city that sent my world crumbling down on October 14. The weather was perfect, camping was excellent and my mood cleared. It was what I remember about running, the energy, the release, the love, the controlled footsteps and occasionally the little jump over a log. Trail running... There is not a greater release in my opinion. I finished in 1:31. Terrible time, but like I said I wasn't there for time that day. I could have pushed harder, I could have finished in 1:20 or less, but why risk re-injuring myself? I know I wouldn't be able to handle injury again, nor could the dogs.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I have a beef right now. Pregnant women who constantly complain about their "condition" 1) you know how you got there (maybe) 2) No one said it was a comfortable 9 months (or rest of your life for that matter) 3) Yes I am VERY aware that I am not pregnant, nor have I ever been pregnant (at this rate I feel as though I never will). However I have a greater understanding of the miracle that took place at the right time of the month between an egg and a sperm and what it is like to fail at that miracle, month after month for who knows what reason. So thank you for reminding me of that. I'm always amazed by how many women don't understand how our cycles actually work. I used to be one of these people. When it was discussed in school it was more along the lines of here's the woman, here's the man (giggles), intercourse, magically you're pregnant. There is so many other things going on that being a woman now and understanding who the body works, I'd really like to go back and know then. Not for birth control (couldn't hurt though), but for my body's sake. To know when things are wrong, to know what to look for. When I mentioned that I believed the BCP is what messed up my thyroid and that we would be doing natural family planning I had so many people (including my doctor) tell me that I'd be pregnant next month. Hey, naysayers, still not pregnant (even though we've been trying). I have friends who have used this method for 10 or more years with success. Ok, soapbox over. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #76a5af; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Otherwise life is well, life. I'm 6dpo per my OvaCue monitor. 5dpo per my FF chart. So I've been O'ing a day before my temp rise? I only have one data set so I cannot say every month it has been that way. Might have been that I was 2-3 days lagging on my temp... Who knows, could explain a lot. I really love the OvaCue (they are not paying me btw-I'd never be so lucky). It's a pretty awesome device and the experts are pretty helpful with any questions you have. I highly recommend it, particularly if you have an FSA card since it is an acceptable purchase on the card. Actually all these months I've been spending money on pregnancy tests... They are covered under the FSA as well! Who knew?! You can't get your allergy meds without a prescription, but an HPT, sure, why not! Oh the joys of our system. Put some OCD people in charge and let's see how things turn out, screw being able to talk to people, bluntness is the best way to get things done. Hurt someone's feelings? As long as you didn't berate them and just tried to help, they should get over it. We are too coddled. I was picked on at school growing up, I dealt with it. I had to go to school, I had learn. I just kept in my head that I would prove that I was better some day and to do that I needed to smile, let it slide and continue with my studies. It was hard some days and I know some kids don't have home support, but as terrible as my mom was (addiction-this will be it's own blog post probably around mothers day when the crappy commercials are on) she was always telling me I can do what I put my mind to. Dad was the real support though, thanks Dad! Thanks for pushing me, thanks for letting me think you were the meanest person in the world, thanks for just being a Dad.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-63459829290656082262013-01-24T09:30:00.000-06:002013-01-24T12:12:29.019-06:00BlissI've been in a mood the last few days. I worked all weekend and was supposed to have Tuesday off due to the holiday (I have Monday's off so if there is a holiday that day I get the next day off as well I worked both of those days). I usually love working on the marshes, but with Ryker at home and DH working all the time it's stressful for everyone. Now I'm just waiting for Friday off! I've been doing more yoga and trying to head off my negative mood with positive thoughts, it's working slowly but surely. Camping this week before my first race since the foot injury should help (as will the race). It is a 10k on the trails. I'm nervous since I haven't really ran over 3 miles (I've hiked 8 though while working in full field gear). I'm thinking that this might end up being a walk/run thing and I'm ok with that. I'll do what my foot says is acceptable. I'm the most nervous about the 1/2 marathon in April. That's when memories come in and remind me of what happened 6 months before. Maybe I'll be pregnant and I can worry about that?<br />
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Until then I have 2 crazy dogs and a cat who well, crazy isn't a strong enough word for her. Ryker is doing very well with his training (as long as he's on a leash). Once the leash is removed, all bets are off. You have no idea if sit will actually be sit, or if it will be chase me or lets play tug. We're working on this... Poor guy is ready for a trip to the dog park too, I have tomorrow off and I think that will be the plan first thing in the morning. Quetesh can do her thing (sitting on laps) and Ryker can play with other dogs his size. He really needs the socialization and it will be good for his sanity and confidence. Lately he's been lacking on his confidence and I'm sure part of it is because he hasn't played with other dogs. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No mom, I didn't chew up my BRAND NEW bed. </td></tr>
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We have an appointment with the Naprotechnology doc Feb 11. We wanted to wait till April to talk to another doctor, but my body is not right and I know it. I spotted for 6 days before I had a day and a 1/2 period last month. How ridiculous is that?! Most would not complain about 1.5 days of a period, that is unless they are trying to get pregnant. I haven't been right since the HSG. I've had terrible cramps since then and my period itself has been start and stop or just plain short. Maybe we won't need to go in, maybe just maybe this is our month. It's funny how after all this time, all this disappointment I can continue to keep my positive outlook. Yes it's slightly jaded, but the hope is still there. I think it's the thought that with every month we get a bit closer. I bought the <a href="http://ovacue.com/" target="_blank">OvaCue </a>this month and started using it as soon as it came in the mail. I like it so far and being a nerd, I love the extra data. I'd be one of those people that would test her own blood everyday if I there was a way. I received my CuePeak the other day which means I'm in my fertile period, so time to get busy. :) I decided to go with the OvaCue after last month and the 8 days +OPK's. FSA will cover it and that's pretty awesome! I always pull out my max because one of these years I'll get pregnant and I'll have to use it for my home birth. Nothing else, it's good to have the extra money, like last year when I was in the ER 3 times, or the year before when I had the car wreck. Too bad it doesn't cover yoga... <br />
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<b>How do you get through a "funk"? </b><br />
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<b>Have you used the OvaCue? How did it work for you?</b><br />
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<b>What's the worst thing your Furbaby has destroyed? </b>For me, it's between the time that Quetesh ate my homework (CD rom, yes the 6# dog ate a CD...). Or the time she and my old cat Mia (she's my dad's cat now) decided to have a hay day with a mega pack, rolls of toilet paper. I came home to the biggest mess I've ever seen! Toilet paper was everywhere!!! <br />
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<b>Recommend any beds for Ryker that won't be destroyed? </b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-27994717298035506322013-01-10T09:41:00.001-06:002013-02-01T08:18:19.994-06:00Dynamics<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quetesh and Ryker</td></tr>
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Welcome Ryker, to the Love household! At dinner Friday of the week I picked the sweet boy up, my husband noted that 1) It can be hard to place a large dog 2) It makes it even harder to place a pitbull 3) He is a good boy and deserves someone who understands him so we should keep him. So Ryker is a permanent addition to the family. <br />
<a name='more'></a>We started training last night and it didn't go as excellent as I expected by how he behaves on our runs and walks. We typically have a slack lead on our walks at home. He's been an excellent learner outside of distraction-however class was totally different! MOM, ANOTHER DOG!!!!!!! Resulting in a yanked arm, sore hands and bruises up and down my legs and arms. By the end he was getting the drift that this was not to be play/socialization time, but learning time. He had also burned off a ton of energy by then so that also helped. With the breed, it is very important that I get him to model citizen behavior due to the a-holes that judge them by their looks and media slander. Growing up with dogs, I NEVER once had one of our pitbulls turn on me, NOT ONCE! I had a lab turn, a shepherd, a crazy springer spaniel, but never ever the pitbulls. Actually the pitbull was there to stop the other dogs in all of the situations. Just making it clear that I was to be left safe. They never attacked another dog unprovoked, never attacked a smaller animal (actually our last one, Goldie) took care of a litter of baby bunnies we were nursing. She would get in the box with them and allow them to snuggle up with her. When we released them to the wild, she would watch them and keep the other animals away from them. Oh, what a vicious dog she was. Ryker's first vet appointment was pretty uneventful besides learning he had a very, very minor case of heartworms, hookworms, and whipworms. Otherwise, the guy is in great shape and had probably gained 15 pounds since I picked him up. He's getting to a good weight now and eats about what he should for his age. Now we will be increasing muscle mass (hear that arms and hands!) which will be all the more reason for him to be well trained. <br />
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Ryker has fit in well at our house. He's a puppy and wants to play right now. It's hard to get him to understand that Quetesh is old and fragile and Priya just won't have it. We spend as much time as possible with him doing what I call intelligent play. By this I mean using playing as a way to learn commands and to learn to control himself. He does very well. I like to start as early as possible with training of my dogs. With Ryker, I've missed out on at least 7 months of training, but he's a smart guy and this will not take very long to get him caught up. Training a pup definitely takes away from the obsession of TTC. Nothing like being absolutely worn out and in need of a smidgen of down time to get you beyond the obsession. We didn't get home till 9 last night, and usually I'm in bed by 8:30 so that should give you an idea of how tired I was when I crashed at 10:15-still smelling like hot dogs. Ryker was also pooped so at least it wasn't just me! I've been spotting the past couple of days, and had some terrible cramps this morning when I leaned up to pull the light switch. I test this weekend (Sunday) if I have have not started by then. Time will tell... The worst is trying to not stare at charts. I know we have to be getting close, I mean can this really continue this way? I know it can, but will it? There is no way to know the answers to these questions until life answers them for us. What we can do now is love life, and prepare for the future (and train a puppy). Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-53072723621063257632012-12-28T08:34:00.000-06:002012-12-28T08:34:59.742-06:00Run to You<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots of love & food going toward this guy!</td></tr>
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I'm back running. :) It feels great to run again. I've been running at a local park and went there again on Wednesday. We just had a front come through and there was standing water in some areas plus it was chilly (38 and windy). I was scheduled to do 3 sets of 8 min run/2 min walk. Everything was going good and then I started the 2nd rep. Tied to a pole in the middle of the park was a dog. Skinny and afraid. I went up to him and he was starving for attention, but timid. I grabbed the tie out they used to tie him up with and brought him to my truck. He was afraid of getting in at first, but after some encouragement, we managed. He's around 55 pounds right now and has been abused. Looking at his teeth, he's just under a year old (I figure the might be able to give me a better idea tomorrow). He's decent on a leash and just a bundle of gentle energy. This morning while I was playing with him I'd sit on the floor and he'd get real low and wouldn't get rough. As I stood up taller, he'd get a little rougher. Pretty sure he's an American Pitbull Terrier, but no way to know for sure if he's mixed or not. We think someone wanted a fighting dog and he wasn't a good option. He has a few fight marks on his ears and nose. There is a mark on his head that we cannot figure out if someone tried to brand him or beat him so hard he has a scar either way, he's with me and he'll be staying. In my house the cat rules the wild kingdom. Quetesh thinks she rules all food (as we've seen with her trying to steal the 10# bone from him). He just looks at them both like they are nuts. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who could beat this sweetheart!?!?</td></tr>
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The only signs of any fight were when Quetesh nipped him. He didn't bite, just barked and baked up, so not aggression, but submission. Still we will keep on our toes with them since he's still young and getting comfortable and Quetesh is cranky in her old age (and I need to stay on her). Bonus: I have a running buddy. It's good that I have him now, since you need to start them out slow as well, and I'm more likely to take it easy on a pup than I am myself. :) I survived telling my husband pretty well in tact and I think he wants to keep him. He fits well in our dynamic, a couple of broken people with broken animals. Love is the glue that puts us together and makes it all work. When I told him I figured he'd ask why I didn't just leave the dog. Instead he said, leaving the dog would have made you just as bad as the person who abandoned him. When he got home from work, the dog backed behind me then when straight up to him and sat giving my husband his head for a good loving. This won his heart, pretty sure. We do need to decide on a name for the guy (preferably before tomorrow so that I can give the vet an actual name for him). I already have dreams of him with a doggie back pack carrying his water bowl and a hands-free leash on a run... <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-KP_EURL8PEc/UN2mN7jmyCI/AAAAAAAAAKE/BqPznipOV_g/s640/blogger-image--1246049362.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-KP_EURL8PEc/UN2mN7jmyCI/AAAAAAAAAKE/BqPznipOV_g/s640/blogger-image--1246049362.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Those bones might be bigger than I am, but they are mine!</td></tr>
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It's funny how what you need finds you just when you need it. Despite my acceptance of infertility, I still have my bad days and all I want to do is cry. Running and dogs are the best cure for me. On top of helping a less fortunate baby, which allows that motherly instinct to come out, I feel better. Ovulation is just around the corner and maybe we can complete our family with 2 sweet pups, a crazy cat, and the joy of a new baby. I can dream can't I? Here's to my New Year hopes!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-6880135424194642312012-12-21T09:50:00.001-06:002012-12-21T09:51:39.352-06:00So this is Christmas."So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun." John Lennon<br />
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Being raised in a Christian family I grew up celebrating Christmas. Most of the celebration focused around 70 people in one house and more kids than an orphanage arguing over who's toy was the best. Somewhere along the way we missed the point. Tired parents drag us home and we reset to our misbehaving ways. My birthday is January 2, so I would also get my birthday present (usually a combined gift) from many family members. It didn't take me many years to figure out that I was getting the short end of this deal in the material world. The whole point of Christmas is not to receive, but to give. With all of the commercials you'd never know. I always look at the families who go to the soup kitchen or who take their kids shopping for another family instead of themselves and think, "Man, I wish I was raised with those values." Don't get me wrong, my family did a great job raising me, I just feel that this would have made me a better person, given me a more rounded life. I never felt the draw towards Christmas that others felt, maybe it was my birthday being so close, maybe I was just frozen from the cold, maybe it just wasn't what my heart felt was right. <br />
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Now as an adult I understand the meaning behind Christmas. It's not that my family did not teach me, it's not that I was led astray, their teachings led me here. No matter what religion you practice, it is about giving, it is about loving, it about looking forward. I am a Druid and proud to admit it. I discovered Druidry a few years ago and everything about it was what I had been looking for. Today, <a href="http://www.druidry.org/druid-way/teaching-and-practice/druid-festivals/winter-solstice-alban-arthan/deeper-alban-arthan" target="_blank">Alban Arthran</a> (Winter Solstice), is the day I celebrate. Today is when I will open the cards given to me by my dear friends and family. I will be thankful for every one of them and what they have given me and I will do my best to return the blessings to others. Today I will be thankful that the sun will set a little later and that today is always one day out of the past and one day closer to the future. The future that holds a little one that I can teach about giving, loving, living.<br />
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To me this season is too busy. There are too many people who rush, too many people period (if you go to a store), too many who still need help who are forgotten. This leads to short tempers, hurtful words, damage to our souls. So for the next week, slow down, look around, and take in the world around you. Help those who need it, love those who need it, love yourself and remember that you are a small piece of this world. You are not the center of it, but just a piece. This does not make us unimportant, without your piece, we leave hole in our puzzle. Remember that others have accepted that they do not believe everything you believe. That beliefs are our own heart's feelings and if you do not feel the same way, it is not your place to place judgement on someone. <br />
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Tonight I will practice a special yoga ceremony. I will take in the chill of the air, the love of nature. I will think back on the year, the good and smile, the bad and weep. Most of all I will look forward with acceptance, with gratitude, with respect for myself, others and the planet.<br />
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So Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas, Happy Alban Arthran, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa ... The list goes on. So when someone says Happy Holidays, it is not that they are disrespecting the baby Jesus, they are respecting him by the acceptance of other beliefs. Bring peace in your heart and peace shall find you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-13379520848725833452012-12-14T08:21:00.001-06:002012-12-14T08:21:28.079-06:00Starting OverThe big day is here. After 10 weeks, I'll be able to run again!!! I will reintroduce my feet to the motion of the run on "The Beast" trail. We will be helping our friends with Forge Racing out this weekend with a night time 10k Sat and 1/2 marathon on Sunday morning. It might be raining, so I'll get to make my first run back, an excellent first run back! I LOVE running in the rain, it is so relaxing and amazing!!! So I will split away at some point for some opening up of the legs for a mile or less. If all goes well I can do 3 by my birthday!! HA! <br />
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I did let the legs open up a smidgen a few weeks ago at the Cajun Coyote 100 mi race at Chico State Park. We were working the aid station, and would run to greet runners as they came out of the woods at all hours of the night and day. Can I say that was the most AMAZING feeling! It was nice to know they still work. The race consisted of 20 mile loops, there was a 20 mi option, 100k, and 100 mi option. The winner was a very pleasant man, Mosi Smith. His nickname should be smiles! Every time I saw him he had a smile plastered on his face. I was grateful to be the person greeting them as they made their stop into AS2 (Aid Station Number 2). Over the course of the day(s), I had the opportunity to get to know these wonderful people. They ranged from first timers, to one man (Scott) completing his 25th for the year (I wonder how his 26th went this past weekend?). There was undoubtedly a winner in the insanity category-AD Marshall-he ran from Baton Rouge (100 mi) then ran the 100 mi race. If I ever lose enough of my mind to do something like that (I said that about marathon's before and I've ran one of those, so it's all relative-ha!) I hope that I look as good as he did on that last lap. He looked strong and was pushing through. His times were great and his spirits high. There are not enough words to say how lucky I am to have been there for everyone. I love to run, but I also love to be there for the runners when they need me the most. Even if it is just a bowl of chicken broth. <br />
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Chicot State Park is beautiful, I cannot wait to explore that trail myself some day. I love cypress, they are beautiful trees! As far as the babymaking front goes, this month is a no go. I started Vitex, and it extended my luteal phase out. I started my normal (when not on Progesterone) spotting at 4dpo and it tapered off. I started flow on 12 dpo, but it lightened up and my temp hasn't crashed yet, so I'm thinking that I'll really start today. I did take a HPT today, but of course it was BFN. Had to make sure. I was surprised that the Vitex affected me the first month, maybe the Vitex was all we needed? Maybe next month (this month) is our month? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-46497319525675330742012-11-29T11:54:00.000-06:002012-11-29T11:54:09.668-06:00Restless<div style="text-align: justify;">
So sorry about the onslaught of posts. I had published my previous 2 posts, but the crazy system didn't agree. </div>
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Thanksgiving was nice. My dad came to visit, it was the first time we had family in town for a holiday so it was a little hectic trying to get everything just right. Dad has Celiac's so GF was the theme. I managed to make egg noodles that tasted good (I have an extremely high standard for egg noodles) and stuffing that was excellent. I used my grandma's classic egg noodle recipe using a rice flour mixture in place of the old wheat flour. The turkey was good (not a big fan of the smoked flavor, but everyone else likes it so I'll deal with it). I had the work pager, which thankfully was quiet and just spent time with my family. We did not do much, dad was only here Thursday through Saturday and he left early, so more relaxation time for him. He did go and purchase some boudin which is apparently ok to take on the plane as a carry-on (frozen, if you ever need to know).</div>
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Roll forward to Monday and the sinus infection of epic proportions starts up. Since I moved to Louisiana my sinus infections skip the whole clogged up head thing and go straight to my damn ears! I cannot get anything done when I have vertigo and that is what happens when your inner ear is under pressure. I have ear drops and they work wonders (usually), but the congestion just would not relieve this time. My usual diet under a sinus infection is to avoid my beloved cheese (dairy) and to eat grapefruit, onion soup and drink tea. This paired with the drops, essential oil burner and even medication was not cutting it. I cannot just go to the doctor and get antibiotics since I'm allergic to most of them, and the few I am not allergic to I'd rather not push my luck with them, I might need them one day. So I suffer. I attempted to come to work yesterday, hoping that getting out would help. By 10, my head was spinning and I had to get out of dodge before I couldn't drive. So home I went. By the time the husband got home I was laid out on the couch in some serious pain, right ear throbbing (drops not helping it), and a fever. I managed to the shower and felt better in the humidity (decided we need a humidifier for the bedroom-odd for Louisiana, but it's a mandatory with the heater running apparently), then my husband remembered we had some ear candles left. Why not? I'm absolutely miserable and it cannot make things any worse. Ear candling has been used for centuries to cleanse the spirit and the body of many different ailments. I was a bit afraid to use them on my ears, especially the right one with all of the pain in it, but really what could it hurt at this point? </div>
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We position the first one in the right ear and he lights it. Near instant relief! The amount of crap I could feel coming out of my ear was amazing and the explanation of why it hurt so damn bad! I probably could have done 2 more candles on that ear at the least, but I only had two and I still have another ear. I couldn't believe how quickly my head cleared. It was insane! I decided to read up a little on ear candling for sinus infections and it has been used for just that purpose. I'll be stopping by the store tonight and purchasing some more tonight so that I can finish clearing the ears of the funk. I know some people are skeptical of them, but they are a mandatory item in my house. When you cannot function because of a measly sinus infection and something helps you, then use it. I was so desperate by the time my husband got home I mixed a shot of ACV (apple cider vinegar) and water. It wasn't as terrible as I expected, who knows what fully helped out, but something did the deed and I'm a new woman this day. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-34383064487230101052012-11-29T11:42:00.000-06:002012-11-29T11:43:28.429-06:00Here today, gone...Since my last post, AF showed up Thursday of that week and on Friday I went to the ortho. So we know how I felt Thursday... Terrible is not a good descriptor; devastated, maybe; I need a more direct term (or a picture). Anyway, on with life. Friday I went to the ortho and I no longer have a boot! That was the most excitement for me in a while. I was a bit nervous to walk around. Afraid that it might not be ok, and that I'll just aggravate it more. My 3rd metatarsal (the Freiberg's toe) is the one that is bothering me the most. It has been so inactive I guess it's due to pester me. The doctor told me I could start slowly back into running in 4 weeks (3 weeks from today). That conversation went something like this:<br />
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<b>Me</b>: So you mean I can do like 30 seconds run, 1 min walk for no more than 1 mile?<br />
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<b>Doc</b>: No, you can run 1 full mile in 4 weeks.<br />
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<b>Me</b>: REALLY!?<br />
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<b>Doc</b>: Yes, then you can slowly add 1/2 mile each week.<br />
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<b>Me</b>: Should I go to physical therapy?<br />
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<b>Doc</b>: You are in too good of shape and you pay attention. Physical Therapy would not be the best option for you. I can send you there, but I feel you'll do fine on your own.<br />
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That was it. I walked out of there planning my return, looking for triathlons and preparing for December 14, D-day! The day I can get back out on the trails!!! Happy Solstice to me! As far as the home front goes, we're just going to go about our little fun for a few more months and if something hasn't happened by April we'll consult with another doctor. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, that we'll be expecting before then. I found this the other day, I thought it was hilarious.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://www.trying-to-conceive.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/dna_damage_infertility.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From TryingtoConceive.com. </td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-1755027938399274212012-11-14T07:00:00.002-06:002012-11-14T07:02:41.501-06:00Wine after whiskey.Here we are, waiting for AF to show so I can get this show on the road! So frustrating, my chart was BEAUTIFUL this month! Triphasic, dip around implantation time... Alas, once again no, 2 lines will never be on one of those stupid tests. I even bought another brand because surely the ones that I'm using are faulty. I don't know what we'll do. There are a few more doctors we can go to in the area, who is right for us, do we want to subject ourselves to more doctors, or just go for the money shot and do IVF, or just plain old say screw it? <br />
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How ridiculous is this chart? By all sanity I should be pregnant.</td></tr>
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So let's see here, I have a perfectly beautiful chart. Anyone who looks at just the temps and not all the BFN's says pregnancy. Today is one of those days I just want to stay in bed all day. I want to stay there and listen to my husband sleep (he was called back to work right after he got home last night and just got home when I was leaving). I want to do shots of whiskey, and cry in the corner, I want to put my running shoes on and just go! I'll probably resort to the shot of whiskey tonight, even maybe the crying in the corner part. Until then I'm at work. I get to go to the field today at least, and I'll be calling the ortho to get my boot off of my foot on Monday (1 week early-YIPPIE). I'll swim tomorrow night and hopefully I can use the water the way I usually use the pavement. I don't know how much more I can tolerate of this. 16 months of charting and trying to conceive, 19 months of trying period. Screw it! I see the charts, one of them was 98 months of trying. I would have said screw everything a long time ago! If adoption was a possibility for us we would have no problem doing just that, but it's not. On to another freaking month unless someone has a turkey miracle up their sleeves and I happen to be one of the 1% of women who process the HSG to efficiently and therefore I cannot get a pregnancy test until I'm 8 weeks or something. Stranger things have happened. <br />
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<i><b>What would you do? </b>I'm not one to give up, but it seems so damn easy right now.</i><br />
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<a href="http://gan.doubleclick.net/gan_click?lid=41000613802464054&pid=1033760&adurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.surlatable.com%2Fproduct%2FPRO-1033760%2F&usg=AFHzDLuebwpno79_KeuctbE8gojN_4XGpw&pubid=597502" rel="nofollow">Sur La Table Whiskey Decanter (Google Affiliate Ad)</a><a href="http://gan.doubleclick.net/gan_click?lid=41000613802464054&pid=1033760&adurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.surlatable.com%2Fproduct%2FPRO-1033760%2F&usg=AFHzDLuebwpno79_KeuctbE8gojN_4XGpw&pubid=597502" rel="nofollow">Sur La Table Whiskey Decanter </a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-70785480443567539162012-11-01T08:18:00.001-05:002012-11-01T08:18:31.390-05:00Piece of My HeartI've been avoiding Facebook like the black plague. It seems every time I log in a new announcement is made. I love that my friends are expecting, it's awesome! I love that they have the joy of expecting/welcoming a child, but I can't be jump up and down joyful, really it kills me. It twists the knife in my heart a little more. I smile and say congrats, then go to my corner and that is all she wrote. I used to go out and buy a little something for the expecting parents, I now avoid the baby section of any store at all costs. Therapists say this is normal, I don't feel normal! This is not me, I am not a person that avoids things!<br />
<a name='more'></a>I am a firm believer of pick up yourself, and go. You deal with it. When I see the new announcements of we're expecting, or here's the new addition, it pulls a little bit of my hope out and slashes it. I actually told my friend I was going to "borrow" the newborn. He was so damn cute, I couldn't resist. No child stealing though, just not in my code of morals. There is always the option of leaving a form on my door that requires signatures and a videotaped statement of why someone does not want their baby. Don't ask don't tell of safe homes in a way with a legal fall back? Not sure how that would work out either. Can't help but think of it being a good way to save a few little ones that the parents are disturbed and don't understand what they have. I need to get on a happy box again...<br />
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My foot is healing, last few days no crutches at work. I am on the boot all day until I get home, then I baby it and hop around on the crutches. I return to the doctor on Monday and I'm hoping that I can start Physical Therapy as well. I registered for the Mardi Gras Mambo last night. It is February 16 and one of the largest races in the area. I hope I am ready for a 10k by then. I figure I can at least run walk it, and it will always depend on the doctor/physical therapist. It's all about being good and listening to the doctors and my body. Who knows, maybe it will be baby's first race? There is always hope, even if it is just a few smoldering ashes on some days. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-67085649663754879912012-10-26T14:42:00.001-05:002012-10-26T14:42:36.734-05:00Hey, Hey What Can I Do?<br />
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So what do you do when you do when you are in peak condition and then land flat on your face? You get back up and deal with it. I've watched too many people in my circles run from problems and learned at a young age that facing issues head on is better than looking back and trying to figure them out (or fix the bigger problems that accumulated)later on.<br />
<a name='more'></a>Today, we go to the net, Pinterest, and remember who we are. We remember that we are still that person, just slightly broken and ready to heal with great vigor and determination to be better. We go through phases of recovery, somewhat like an alcoholic:<br />
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<ol>
<li>Anger</li>
<li>Denial</li>
<li>Depression</li>
<li>Acceptance</li>
<li>Depression</li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This goes with my damn straight!<br />http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh490q5lgD1qft6eto1_500.jpg</td></tr>
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<li>Determination</li>
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We flip through these overly generalized phases over and over again and just continue with them until we are back in our addiction. Our run, our solace. Our life... I'm sure my husband would love to argue that I have a few more phases, but I'm back in the determination phase and you don't want to upset a determined person, do you? He knows these phases very well, knows when he can mess with me, and when he needs to ask the boss to stay at work. Other than my down time from my car accident a few years ago, I've suffered minor hiccups. Trivial injuries that provide for minimal down time. This will be my longest downtime, even more than the wreck and when I come back it will only be after weeks of physical therapy and thankfully I have the doc convinced that we should throw in gait analysis. I'm no Kara Goucher, but it keeps me sane and I plan on continuing to run for a long time after this hiccup. <br />
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All of the sudden the most simple of tasks are made so hard it hurts to think about attempting them. Have you have tried to paint your toes while you cannot move your toes??? It is ridiculously difficult! I ended up with maroon polish all over my foot. I'm not talking a smidgen here and there, I'm talking the whole third toe was painted maroon! Alas, you must paint your toes on the homecoming of your 7-0 team. Which reminds me, WE BELIEVE 8-0, #HailState !!! We play Alabama this weekend and hoping to finally get some respect in the SEC. We have been put down too many times, short changed, bad calls because we were not the favorites. I digress back to difficult tasks at hand... Getting to work, not the driving part, but actually through the doors. I've always appreciated the extra amount we must walk to get into work, however the idiot who designed this building (and won an architectural award) never had to walk on crutches. It is nearly 1/3 mile from the garage to the moment I an plop my butt in my chair. There is no place for handicap (or injured folk) to park that is closer, no back door, and unless one of my friends comes in at 0600 to just be sweet, they cannot park my car for me. Let's not even talk about showers... The only time a bath is acceptable is after a hard run, then it will be in ice followed by a detox bath the next day. Detox bath's have become my go to, and my Runner's World Collection (which needed some good reading time) is starting to dwindle. There's just something nice about a shower, about standing up and not being in your own filth even if it's after the bath, standing up, IMHO you just feel cleaner. I've tried getting my husband to bring me glasses of wine, but who can blame the man, he's afraid if I have too many I'll fall in my attempt to slip out of the tub using the side to slide my butt out without using my left foot at all and hit my head. Then he has to explain how we don't have stairs in our house and yes, his wife really is this clumsy. Poor guy he has to put up with me, however, once I hit the couch all bets are off and wine it is. LOL! Another thing, unless you are sitting or laying down any bottoms CANNOT come on or off. It's crazy how much you need both arms and both legs. I'm sure I could get good at the one leg hop into my pants but I'd rather not require more stitches trying to accomplish this task. There are some tasks I am ok not perfecting.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slightly swollen. Anyone want to paint them for me???</td></tr>
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As far as fertility goes, we planned on moving forward with a new doctor and a new plan this month. Funny how life says, no, you need to wait a second. Maybe it's hope, hope that we don't need medical intervention. Maybe it's just a royal f-you. Who knows. Only the future will tell the truth. I'm not going to worry about the future. I plan, yes, I plan about what things will happen if I do plan X vs plan Z, but I just plan for the best scenario. I cannot account for everything (otherwise I would have taken whatever step it was that I took wrong and avoided a stress fracture of the 2nd metatarsal or discovered a cure for stupid). I can only account for what I have seen, I can only do so much. So as I suffer through the withdrawals of injury recovery, hang in there with me. Ovulation isn't that far off and maybe, just maybe what I need is the I don't give a rat's.... attitude that I have right now. Smack me around if you need to, I'm also willing to listen to stories of hope and I always love a good laugh so throw them at me. Being a little broken is not the worst thing that can happen, I know that. I just like being active, I love the feel of the cool air (which is just moving in now) and the feel of the mist from the fog on my skin. I love knowing that while everyone else is sleeping in on Saturday, I have watched the sun rise over the trail, I have accomplished more than some will in weeks, I have nurtured my muscles and my mind, I am a runner. I might be slow, but speed is not why we do this, we do this thing called running for the rush, for the joy, for the sheer fact that we can, that we can go farther than we ever dreamed we could. We run so that we can show our children that it's not about winning but about helping those who are down, about supporting a friend who needs us, about giving a damn. Yoga download had another quote posted on their Facebook wall: "Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along." Nothing is so true. Being broken stinks, but the personal lessons you should learn from these hiatuses are there so you do just that, LEARN.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683720384869865233.post-30575746330413627822012-10-16T16:48:00.000-05:002012-10-16T16:48:07.831-05:00You can't always get what you want.Race recap from Saturday, final race of the Forge Trail Series. <br />
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Forge always puts on great races, heck I'm always happy to not be on the road running but I'll take what I can get. I came in expecting to finish strong knowing that I had a smidgen of a chance at an age group award. This race was a 10k through the Port Hudson civil war site. It was amazing last year, and didn't fail to upset this year. <br />
<a name='more'></a>No swimming was involved, but there was a jump over a washout and hills. I've felt great this week on all of my runs, and actually had prepared to run this race and a 1/2 marathon the next day (that's for later). For once, no overtraining, no skipping runs, I was ready. About a mile in, a friend in my age group hunched over. She's been through a lot and I hated to see it. I asked if all was ok, and she assured me she would be on my tail in no time. I kept on. First mile 9:44, whoa slow down nelly! Then again keep it before you hit the hills. I felt wonderful the whole run, heart rate went a little crazy at one point and I had to back off, but all and all no problems. I had an amazing time and when it was over I was able to pull the legs into high gear and hit the finish at 1:04:20! PR for 10k, road or trail. My neighbor was running this race too, it was his first trail race and he was not too far behind me, so I ran back and met him at a hill. He did great! 1:11 for his first ever trail race, that is excellent especially since Louisiana's as flat as a pancake except in a few spots. I didn't finish where I hoped (where did all these others in my age group come from?), but my friend was still ahead of me (the one who slumped over). I was pleased with that, she deserves that award and more. <br />
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I'm glad I had such a great trail race Saturday because Sunday really sucks. I had such high aspirations and all was fabulous besides my husband is still dealing with piriformis syndrome and couldn't come. The weather could have been cooler, but alas, can't have everything. I started off great, strong, light, smooth, easy. The miles were flying by. Mile 4 I got a cramp in my foot, nothing I haven't dealt with before. It stopped and I continued. On my merry, happy way. Mile 8ish the pain started, minor at first, then increasing with every step. I started walking on my heel and made the decision that a DNF is better then a more severe injury if I continue the next 5 miles or so. I was on PR pace, finally going to put that sub 2:20 in my records and here I was hobbling at mile 8. It was hard to make that decision, I have never quit, but with a broken husband and the amount of pain I was in I had to. I cried for a good 10 min while waiting for the race director to pick me up. I hated that I was a quitter, but knew it was for the best. The whole, miserable, ride home I tried to figure out what I had done. I had trained properly, felt great, but here I was worse off then the races I had winged. 5 hours later in the ER and many explanations of what is really wrong with my foot to the doctors (who had never seen anything like it before) they had no answers and sent me to a orthopedic specialist. I have something called <a href="http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1236085-overview" target="_blank">Freiberg's Diesease (Infraction)</a>, to put it simply my 3rd metatarsal on my left foot is flat instead of being round. I was diagnosed when I was 14 with this. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k-nik4o-Bzg/UH3UrFqUQHI/AAAAAAAAAJY/y7dH2yLRGQY/s1600/EXP0000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k-nik4o-Bzg/UH3UrFqUQHI/AAAAAAAAAJY/y7dH2yLRGQY/s640/EXP0000.jpg" width="352" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The arrow points to my Freiberg's toe. </td></tr>
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So off to the specialist I hobbled yesterday. Let me just tell you my arms are so stinking weak it's ridiculous and I think they might fall off from usage! You'd think a specialist would have their office set up so people on crutches can hobble easily and not from 3 miles away (ok, only like 1/8th of a mile). If my husband wasn't also broken he could have dropped me off at the door, but alas we have to be broken at the same time. The doctor was very polite and commented on my Freiberg's. Apparently it had interested him during his classes, but have never actually seen a case of it so here I sit, the rare foot problem gal. He couldn't see anything on the x-rays so that ruled out a fracture, however, since I cannot put weight on it and when he hit the 2nd and 3rd metatarsals I about flew out of the freaking building, never mind walls! Diagnosis: Stress Fracture. He asked some questions and then concluded that during the race at some point I stepped wrong, one misstep… He concluded this since it was so sudden, I had no previous pain, and had trained properly for this day. We should be able to see the actual stress fracture on the x-ray next week. Until I'm released to swim, I'm on crutches and in a boot. When I'm at home I pretty much leave the boot off. I cannot put more than 10% of my weight on the heel in the boot anyway and it provides false security. So I just hop around and around… We moved a rolling chair into the living room and kitchen so I can get around in those 2 rooms without the torture of crutches. It will take 6-12 weeks to heal. :( Which means I might not be able to run the Gulf Shores Half Marathon January 13. I'll still go to the Blues, but will not run. I think it will be too close to Gulf Shores to attempt to run 2 back to back weekends.<br />
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We had to cancel our Fertility Appointment yesterday, between the 2 of us being broken, we have more important things to worry about. It stinks, but it's the truth. It's hard to worry about it when we are both so broken. I probably won't worry too much this month, I'm not sure when I'll be out of the dang boot to worry about anything anyway.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10256159185696401689noreply@blogger.com