Another holiday season, another year, more failure. Love and I are getting pretty frustrated with the whole TTC thing. With our jobs, it is getting harder and harder to pin down a time that we are together, then there is always the fact that we have tried and tried again and failed and failed again. Yes, due to Women's Hospital and Dr. Butcher I was basically forced into being a for 13 months of our trying . Last month he was working nights and of course, I work days. Thankfully I have oodles of vacation. After a 22 day luteal phase (12 of which was spotting-yes, this was a medicated cycle), who knows when I'll O this month. I am scheduled to be out of town next Monday-Wednesday, then again Sunday and Monday the following week. I get frustrated when my doctor says "you should be using all of your fertile days for relations." Well whoopty do! Why the hell didn't I think of trying that. I calmly say something along the lines of we try, but due to conflicting work schedules and my body being retarded, it doesn't always work out for us.
I have one doctor here, but he is not comfortable with my chart so keeps referring back to the Dr. in Houston. The Dr. in Houston wants to take back over the file and I have no problem with that. I prefer the way she handles things. I am just ready to cry, cry, cry. Long and hard. I need my husband to be home long enough to let me break down, I need to see the tears flow, I need to let go. I am very close to throwing in the towel. I won't because I am too stubborn to do such a thing, but nearing 3 years of TTC is killing me, it's killing us. We are a strong couple and I know we will make it through, but this breaks both of our hearts and I am tired of being broken. Love always use to tease me for bringing home the broken dogs. Sorry, honey, we're broken as well. It's what gives us personality, it's what defines us. We choose how it defines us. We trudge on through the muck and we survive, we are survivors.
Speaking on trudging on, we worked the aid station for the Cajun Coyote 100 mi race. I always love meeting new people and watching them accomplish such a feat. Like the rest of the country, Louisiana was not cooperating weather wise the weekend of Dec 6. We packed up the dog, the rented U-Haul trailer and a friend thinking that the temp on Saturday was suppose to get to mid 50's. It was raining Friday as we headed over and stopped when we arrived. Saturday morning we got to the aid station around 7 and started looking for the sun-the sun that never showed it's face. Cloudy all day, wet from the rains the day before and never went above 35 with humidity at 90%. It was COLD!!! We had a rocking fire and a little space heater, but there is not enough to keep warm in that kind of cold. Ryker spent most of the next 30 hours in the tent, truck or next to a heat source as possible. At one point he decided that he would run with the runners... This park is huge and that concerned me slightly. He ran off about 3 miles and said hi to them while keeping them company, working his way back through the crowd. Love my boy, but mamma did not approve. Sunday around 0100 freezing mist started. We thought we were just delirious from the amount of time we'd been awake, but no, there was white flakes lazily making their way to the ground. I took my allotted nap from 3-6 and woke up to the pouring rain. All runners who were not finished were starting their last lap at this point. There is no way to prepare for this kind of weather! Heavy rains flooded some of the trails fast and the runners were needing to trudge through knee high puddles/streams to finish, all while the temperature hovered at 36. To all of my friends who completed this race, that is how you show determination!!! That is how you get through life! The last runner came through our aid station around 10:30 Sunday morning.
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| Myself and my Dear friend Miriam! She is a doll! (Yes I carry around a water bottle at all times). |
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| Everyone watch Ryker. My friend Dwayne (Miriam's Husband, who rocked 80 miles), myself, Love and my new friend Ramone (he rocked that 100 miles)! |
It really is a focus on the beauty of people. Even at their worsts they are still smiling. I love my trail running crew, we are the best. We can stick together and stand up for one another. We are all a little quirky, but that is what makes us unique and awesome!
