Wednesday, June 27, 2012

One step closer.

As with running, you are always one step closer to your goal.  Positive thinking can do a lot, but there are so many days that you just can't deal with the outside world.  Those days are meant for a run and a little BB King.  Yesterday was one of those days.  When you are young, you think you're invincible, then you grow up and sometimes that happens faster then you want.  You do everything possible to be the best person you can be, you do everything possible to be good to yourself, then you get news, news that literally throws you back on your behind.  Then the questions start...

Where did I go wrong?
Is that all that is wrong or are there more problems hidden?

Things that seemed so easy to obtain are so far away, and each month they seem to get farther and farther away.  The doubt sinks in more and more, and it becomes so hard to keep your head up, to be strong.  You've been here time and time again, and nothing came of it so why will this month be different?  Then you get results that explain a little, but those results can't be the full picture, in your gut you know there is more.  All around you is happiness, all inside you is a great sadness.  Think the great sadness from "The Never-ending Story", ironic that is how I feel since it was a favorite movie growing up.


It is so easy to obtain, but yet, so difficult.  There are options, not many and some with a huge burden.  When you want something so bad you convince yourself of it month after month, where do you draw the line?  Then there are people you love who don't realize how bad things really are, they don't realize how bad it hurts when there is a repeated failure and you have went over and beyond the call of duty to obtain your goal.  There are others who pester you constantly, they don't know your goal and they don't know how far away it is for you. Exhaustion sets in, mentally, physically, you feel like its futile.  You see the stories, get the results, start researching and then reality sinks in.  First you cry, then you get mad and when I'm mad I don't stop until I achieve my goal.  I will obtain my goal.  Some days are better than others, the disappointment gets easier because your hopes dwindle more and more, but in the end no matter what you are one step closer to your goal.  A problem has been solved and in solving a problem you obtain a form of solution.  It might be next week before that solution is confirmed, it could be 3 months from now, maybe even longer thing is you keep walking, keep your head up and jump in when you need to swim, every movement forward is one step closer.  I will achieve my goal!