Friday, July 20, 2012

Back at One.

Once again, I start another cycle.  It's like Groundhog Day but worse.  You live through the motions of every month, but you can't have fun with it.  Once again, someone else is expecting.  No matter how happy you might be for them, you don't want to watch that belly grow, you don't want to see what you've been trying to achieve for over a year.  The worst thing is that I will be waiting more and more… Admitting that you need help is hard and we've hit the point that we need it.  An appointment will be scheduled with an RE and we'll go from there.

At this hospital.
In other worlds I fell flew off my bike.  I grossly miscalculated a corner and hit a poorly created road and WHAM!!!  Next thing I knew the bike was in the street 5 feet away from me and I had blood gushing from my eye.  The grass couldn't be bothered to assist in my fall, just the sidewalk.  My husband's phone of course was not behaving the night before and the battery had been removed.  Of course there are neighbors to beat on the door... Or not, one of those when you need someone the most you can't find them situations. The home phone was not behaving either so I called my chiropractor, since that's where I was headed to and he came to get me.  When I got home my husband was up since I had called the home phone repeatably (we need to go buy a new one) and he knew something was up.  I think his heart sank since it looked horrible, I just happened to be wearing a white shirt with a gaping head wound it looked like it was actually red, that is until you looked at the back.  2 hours in the waiting room at the ER, a CT Scan and 4 stitches later, nothing's broken (they thought that I broke my suborbital bone).  All in a good day...

Right after taking the stitches out.
 Healing has been a lesson in asking for help, that is for sure.  I hate to not be able to do stuff for myself, however, put my hands together and you have one good hand.  The right one looks like hamburger and the left one has "issues".  Not sure if it is jammed or just severely bruised.  Time will tell.  Overall the damage was minimal and I'm happy to once again be told "You have a hard head."  Yup, hard headed that's me. It's what pushes me through the worst of it.  What pushes me out the door when I want to sit in bed and cry, when I just want to hide.  I should mention this was Saturday the 14th, I have had 2 car wrecks and 2 (recent) falls on the day after Friday the 13th.  I can tell you what I'll be doing September 14, 2013, staying home!!!

The stitches came out yesterday and the doctor thought it was a healing beautifully and the hospital did a great job of shaving my eyebrow.  Nope, Doc, all concrete.  No razor was used in this creation, I'm that good.  I've been exhausted but I do know how to take care of some wounds.

  I couldn't believe that my fertility chart was actually amazing this month even with a crash and burn.  Stress should cause a saw-tooth pattern, however, my chart was amazing, even went triphasic.  Alas... 13 months of BFN (Big Fat Negative).  It's to the point I never expect to see it, those 2 glorious lines.  How people who go through this for years, even decades I don't know.  Each month is like a new day, by the end of the month you are so ready for that positive you can taste it and you believe it, you believe it is there.  You even start imaging another line only to realize you've lost your mind. Onward ho to the next month, Groundhog Day, over and over again you repeat.  You continue to have hope, you continue to dream, eventually you choose to not run races because they are kid oriented, you start dreading baby showers.  Yes it's selfish, but there is only so much a person can take at once.  It is always worst the first half of the cycle.  Once ovulation occurs, you have new hope, new dreams.  Here's to starting back at one and going on.  I love my husband and without his love, I'd be nuts (still debatable).  One to next month, maybe we'll get it right.

Sorry if this is scatter-brained, I did hit my head, LOL!