Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Sorry this is a sad post...

Life continues on.We are made too aware of that in the matters of those taken from us too soon, well before their time.  My life has been inundated with this at times, where it seems death is all that is around.
I can remember my first death at 5 and my great-grandfather had died in church.  The utter fear I had that he would not go to heaven because the ground was frozen (and the fact that I could have heard him ask for help, but was not there that morning.  I was with my other grandparents at their church.) and they had to wait a week for the ground to thaw enough to bury him.  I wonder if that is what drove me on my fixing ways?  I cannot fix everything, but I damn well will try my hardest.

2001 was not just September 11 for my family.  February 2, my 18 month old godson was killed in a car accident, that is a pain that you never forget.  To this day, a double rainbow is my reminder that life is too short and love is what our energy should be spent on.  March 17, my uncle was killed in the line of duty while trying to help a family.  July 19, my cousin was murdered by her boyfriend in a murder suicide.  September 11 was just the cherry on the banana split that year and the tears were dry by that time.  A person can cry too much.

2006 is the year that pulled my heart to shreds, hardened my life and made me truly hate.  My entire family had been trying to help my cousin, Heather, get away from her abusive boyfriend.  I was away at Mississippi State while everyone was in Missouri.  This is the time of MySpace, before Facebook really took hold, and September 24 at 4:27 p.m. I received a message from my cousin:  "You will be so proud of me, I will call you tomorrow.  Love you!"  The next morning, my grandma called.  Heather and Isaiah were missing.  In my heart I hoped she took her beautiful baby boy, Isaiah, and ran from the jerk that did not show love, but showed pain.  I had a gut feeling that my positive outlook was not what the world had intended for my cousin.  Wednesday morning...  I receive the call, the call that you never want, the call that they had found her car and her in the trunk.  She had been stabbed 19 times.  The baby was still missing and so was the boyfriend.  By afternoon I was on a plane to Kansas City and they had arrested the scum that had destroyed a beautiful person and Isaiah was well.  To a point I have forgiven him as much as I can, I do not hate him, but hate what he did-Karma's a bitch and will bite him in the ass like a rabid dog!  My heart hurts September 24 & 25 of the year.  I smile, I run a little harder because Heather is not here to run, she is not here to smile. She is just not here, taken at the age of 22, too soon.  She was leaving someone she needed to, someone that some members of our family ignored the violence, someone who was a terrible person, she deserved more, she deserved a longer life, more time with her son, her family, for those of us who knew her, more time with her smile and kindness.

All of this to begin Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  I wear purple to support Domestic Violence Awareness during October, not LSU as most of the State of Louisiana does.  I wear purple to remember, to help others, to not turn my head, to not hide.  Nothing makes me feel better than to know that Heather's story helped someone get away.  To realize that I saved someone else from a terrifying fate.  Love is not pain, love is not hurt.  Inflicted scars do not show love, they show disrespect, and hate.  Love like there is no tomorrow and enjoy your life.

On to October, a new fertility doctor in 3 weeks and several races.  Many of these races are my favorites.  They are where I started my running, Forge Trails, Gulf Coast Half Series. Running through the pain is where I am, maybe October will also give me a new goal in life, a new life.  No matter what I will smile and run for those who can't, smile for those who are smiling on us.