Thursday, March 7, 2013

Say What?!

So what if I'm a bitter bitch.  I know I shouldn't care if people think I am because my SIL is pregnant.  Call me old fashioned but I think you should make sure that you are happy in a relationship (2 months DOES NOT determine level of happiness-particularly with her track record).  It is not fair to the child you have to keep bringing new men into the home, it is not fair for the one you are about to have.  If/when this relationship fails, then she is bitter at the dad.  She is irritated that they are not there, cycle repeats!  STOP, PAY ATTENTION, LOOK BACK!!!!  What are you doing wrong!?!?!?  Earn some respect for yourself, teach some respect to your daughter. 
Yeah I'm bitter, at times I'm a bitch.  Who cares at this point, I don't.  Why should I if no one else seems to care about their affect on those around them?  For me it hurts that she's pregnant, but that is NOT what cuts me.  What cuts me is that she is not in a stable relationship, she has a daughter already who needs to learn stability and how to be a strong woman.  There were times in my life that yes, I wanted to be pregnant, but I knew I was not in the right relationship and that I personally was not in the right place.  I knew it would not be fair for my child to have to deal with constant change.  Constant upheaval.  I chose to wait till everything felt right.  Until love met me with this amazing man!  This frustration comes about because my neighbor told me I need to quit being bitter about the SIL.  I have every right to be bitter about it.  She has no right bringing a child into an unstable environment when I can't bring one into a stable one!  Ok, maybe that's extreme, but it's what it seems like.  Pairing him with saying that as AF is preparing to rear her ugly ass head (I haven't had my crying fit yet (always 24 hours before she comes), but my mood is particularly snarky right now (usually 36-48 hours out), plus the spotting I had 9 DPO and again today (11 DPO) and my OvaCue vaginal readings dropping the past 2 days.  My temp is not terrible, but it seems to lag behind anyway, kind of like it missed a memo or something.  

The good thing is that we will be starting Napro soon.  New procedures, new hope.  At least answers, that's all I need answers.  Being told that things are working fine without further inspection is not an answer I'm willing to accept.  It's like taking your car in for an oil change and they replace the transmission (did they change the oil?).  I mentioned on a board that to be an RE you should be required to have went through (or be going through) IF.  Who understands you better than a woman (or man) who is/has dealt with this!  Many of these women are brilliant and at times we know more than the "medical professional" in charge of getting us pregnant.  Part of the aggravation of this of process is that we have to fight tooth and nail so often to get things done.  We have to weed out the good doctors to find the ONE good one.  Some of us are not that fortunate.  We have to go through so much heartache while fighting for our best interest.  This should be easier on us.  I wish there was a committee that sent letters to those worthy of taking a few classes and working with a QUALIFIED surgeon (or taking those classes as well) to be an RE.  Some of the women on these boards I'd jump on a plane in a heartbeat to see over some of the doctors I've heard about.  We spend our spare time reading medical journals and despite our best efforts, we still are not pregnant.

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