Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Saw Red

I've had some time to cool down.  Last weekend I was going to one of my group sites on FB and lingered a few too many seconds on my home page...  I see a picture of 2 banana splits and a comment about how it's nice to eat what you want when you're pregnant.  FROM MY SIL!!!  

So what's so wrong with my SIL being pregnant?  For starters when she was 18 she was trying to get pregnant.  Managed it and decided she didn't like the daddy so aborted that baby.  Less than 3 months later was pregnant with another guy's baby and promptly got married.  That lasted a whole 9 months (I think).  She's an amazing mother to her little girl, so I have no problems there...  She just got remarried in June.  Decided that it wasn't going to work, and filed for divorce before Thanksgiving.  She announced on FB on Valentines Day (so that makes 13 on V-Day) that she was expecting from some new boyfriend.  She didn't text or have her mom call or anything just blurted it out on FB.  So if you are doing the math, we've been TTC longer than her 2 marriages COMBINED have lasted!!!  This is one of those situations that you just want to smack them upside their head until they straighten up.  -Told you I had cooled off.  We are looking at a trip to Kansas City for a visit in late May and I dread seeing her.  It will take every ounce of energy to not smack the shit out of her and to attempt to just be pleasant, maybe I'll just run the whole time she's around since that is a great stress release for me.  
Amen! Biggest pet peeve ever!!!!!
Top this all off with the dreaded Mother's Day holiday.  My mom was not the greatest, she had her moments, but most of the time she was too busy trying to get a buzz on a pill.  I cringe at the Hallmark commercials every year.  My mom was not one of those cheerful women, most of the time she couldn't give a rat's ass.  I am very thankful for the strong women in my life who showed me that you didn't need to give birth to me to be a mom, but it still doesn't make that holiday any better for me.  Last year my husband bought me a card and a vacuum (yes I was excited about getting a Dyson-especially since mine had just died the week before).  We were hopeful that we'd get that BFP that month.  Tried our hardest, but alas...That was when we decided we needed to see an RE.  I think I ran harder that month than any previous month.  It was also one of the few times I've cried when AF reared her ugly face.  If we don't get a BFP this month I'll be looking at another Mother's Day in purgatory.  I just want the chance to do things as right as possible for my kids, to be the mother that mine wasn't, to be as close to the damn Hallmark Commercials as a normal human being can be. 

I started spotting today, so I'm guessing I'm out this month.  I'll test on Friday, if I make it that far without her showing up full flow.  I was so hopeful this month.  Our timing was great no matter what day might have been Ovulation (I know I O'd between 15 & 17), and I've just felt awesome about this month.  It's like everything has come together, and in my heart I felt it until I wiped this morning...  It might be implantation, but I have a TERRIBLE experience with spotting so I doubt it.  My temps have been more stable this month, and my OvaCue readings have stayed high, which is a great sign that my progesterone is holding steady this time around.    

Here's to being hopeful, here's to a Mother's Day I can be proud of, here's to crying with happiness this week, here's to that BFP so I stay on civil terms with my SIL.  Here's to NOT seeing red (in any form)!

Any tips on not serving adoption papers to my SIL?

1 comment:

  1. Jamie, I know how hard Mother's Day is. I will never forget the pain, loneliness, the horribleness of last year and I am terrified to do it again. I hope and pray this is your cycle and that you have good news on Friday, however, if AF does come, I know your Napro doctor will take care of it and I know no matter what you are on the right path to your BFP. To your SIL.... pfft!!! You will enjoy, cherish, and treasure every last second of pregnancy.