Thursday, November 1, 2012

Piece of My Heart

I've been avoiding Facebook like the black plague.  It seems every time I log in a new announcement is made.  I love that my friends are expecting, it's awesome!  I love that they have the joy of expecting/welcoming a child, but I can't be jump up and down joyful, really it kills me. It twists the knife in my heart a little more.  I smile and say congrats, then go to my corner and that is all she wrote.  I used to go out and buy a little something for the expecting parents, I now avoid the baby section of any store at all costs.  Therapists say this is normal, I don't feel normal!  This is not me, I am not a person that avoids things!
I am a firm believer of pick up yourself, and go.  You deal with it.  When I see the new announcements of we're expecting, or here's the new addition, it pulls a little bit of my hope out and slashes it. I actually told my friend I was going to "borrow" the newborn.  He was so damn cute, I couldn't resist.  No child stealing though, just not in my code of morals.  There is always the option of leaving a form on my door that requires signatures and a videotaped statement of why someone does not want their baby.  Don't ask don't tell of safe homes in a way with a legal fall back?  Not sure how that would work out either.  Can't help but think of it being a good way to save a few little ones that the parents are disturbed and don't understand what they have.  I need to get on a happy box again...

My foot is healing, last few days no crutches at work.  I am on the boot all day until I get home, then I baby it and hop around on the crutches.  I return to the doctor on Monday and I'm hoping that I can start Physical Therapy as well.  I registered for the Mardi Gras Mambo last night.  It is February 16 and one of the largest races in the area.  I hope I am ready for a 10k by then.  I figure I can at least run walk it, and it will always depend on the doctor/physical therapist.  It's all about being good and listening to the doctors and my body.  Who knows, maybe it will be baby's first race?  There is always hope, even if it is just a few smoldering ashes on some days.