Friday, February 1, 2013

Back at It!

I suppose I should update on my 10k.  Not my fastest, but that's not what I was out there for.  The sense of accomplishment I had at the end of that race was awesome.  There was no pain, not an inkling during or after the race.  I ran with some friends the whole way and while I could have pushed myself a little bit harder, I didn't.  The goal for the day was to finish without pain, to finish the race in the city that sent my world crumbling down on October 14.  The weather was perfect, camping was excellent and my mood cleared.  It was what I remember about running, the energy, the release, the love, the controlled footsteps and occasionally the little jump over a log.  Trail running...  There is not a greater release in my opinion.  I finished in 1:31.  Terrible time, but like I said I wasn't there for time that day.  I could have pushed harder, I could have finished in 1:20 or less, but why risk re-injuring myself?  I know I wouldn't be able to handle injury again, nor could the dogs.

So I have a beef right now.  Pregnant women who constantly complain about their "condition" 1) you know how you got there (maybe) 2) No one said it was a comfortable 9 months (or rest of your life for that matter)  3) Yes I am VERY aware that I am not pregnant, nor have I ever been pregnant (at this rate I feel as though I never will).  However I have a greater understanding of the miracle that took place at the right time of the month between an egg and a sperm and what it is like to fail at that miracle, month after month for who knows what reason.  So thank you for reminding me of that.  I'm always amazed by how many women don't understand how our cycles actually work.  I used to be one of these people.  When it was discussed in school it was more along the lines of here's the woman, here's the man (giggles), intercourse, magically you're pregnant.  There is so many other things going on that being a woman now and understanding who the body works, I'd really like to go back and know then.  Not for birth control (couldn't hurt though), but for my body's sake.  To know when things are wrong, to know what to look for.  When I mentioned that I believed the BCP is what messed up my thyroid and that we would be doing natural family planning I had so many people (including my doctor) tell me that I'd be pregnant next month.  Hey, naysayers, still not pregnant (even though we've been trying).  I have friends who have used this method for 10 or more years with success.  Ok, soapbox over.  

Otherwise life is well, life.  I'm 6dpo per my OvaCue monitor.  5dpo per my FF chart.  So I've been O'ing a day before my temp rise?  I only have one data set so I cannot say every month it has been that way.  Might have been that I was 2-3 days lagging on my temp...  Who knows, could explain a lot.  I really love the OvaCue (they are not paying me btw-I'd never be so lucky).  It's a pretty awesome device and the experts are pretty helpful with any questions you have.  I highly recommend it, particularly if you have an FSA card since it is an acceptable purchase on the card.  Actually all these months I've been spending money on pregnancy tests... They are covered under the FSA as well!  Who knew?!  You can't get your allergy meds without a prescription, but an HPT, sure, why not! Oh the joys of our system.  Put some OCD people in charge and let's see how things turn out, screw being able to talk to people, bluntness is the best way to get things done.  Hurt someone's feelings?  As long as you didn't berate them and just tried to help, they should get over it.  We are too coddled.  I was picked on at school growing up, I dealt with it.  I had to go to school, I had learn.  I just kept in my head that I would prove that I was better some day and to do that I needed to smile, let it slide and continue with my studies.  It was hard some days and I know some kids don't have home support, but as terrible as my mom was (addiction-this will be it's own blog post probably around mothers day when the crappy commercials are on) she was always telling me I can do what I put my mind to.  Dad was the real support though, thanks Dad!  Thanks for pushing me, thanks for letting me think you were the meanest person in the world, thanks for just being a Dad.

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